Dear Diary,
So I emailed Ryan and asked what his deal was and why he responded that way yesterday. He told me a little later to leave him alone and that he was cutting off contact with me forever. He said he was done with our family and that he is walking away from it all.
I have no idea what his problem is. Of course, I tried to respond to him again and I have yet to hear from him. I don't think he will respond today but maybe later on or maybe if I email him a few days from now. I have no idea what I did to make him so mad. I guess I didn't go to him when he wanted a while back. I am not going to lie, it hurts, it hurts real bad.
He just seems to discard me so easily all the time. Yet, my entire life I have never been that way with him. It sucks and I can barely see the screen of this computer because my eyes keep watering. I am trying not to get too emotional about it but it is hard. I guess I should have went to him when he asked. Then we wouldn't be in this spot.
I just feel very abandoned and hurt. So now on top of not being around family, my brother is gone to me, according to him forever. Honestly, I don't know how to go through life without him. I am still very hopeful he will have a change of heart but it still sucks right now.
I am going to try and stay busy and not think about it today but it is going to be hard
My heart just sank to my stomach when I read his email. I don't think he realizes how hurtful he can be with me. I wish he would explain himself instead of shutting me out.
Ugh............so frustrated today. Today sucks ass and I just can't deal today
My whole life, he has been there.
I keep trying to breathe and not start bawling. **deep breaths deep breaths**
Of course it isn't working............
so done, so so so done