Dear Diary,
I have so much hate but up. I dont know where to begin. I started cutting myself again like I used to years ago. Its stupid. Why do I do it? I do it because the physical pain is so much better than the emotional pain. I wanna go into a dark hole and never be found. My boyfriend stopped telling me i was beautiful awhile back. He used to always tell me. It was good simply because I always put myself down about my looks. He would complement me when I got made up or did my hair. Well he quit. Come to find out he has been telling other women they are beautiful and they look good. Why did he have to stop telling me just to tell me. He quit noticing me. Even when I pointed it out to him he told me that day because my hair was done but he didn't do it nomore until after I found out he cheated on me. I wonder if he ever told them he loved them. I wonder of he ever asked them where they lived. Or thought about meeting up with them. Anytime I relax just a little about it to try to work it out I start thinking about everything hard core and I just think about how I'm fat, he doesn't tell me I'm beautiful, he wants me to shave ( he never brought it up in the 5 years we have been around each other until he started seeing pictures of these girls). I have so much more to say but I have to go back to work so ill stop for now...