Starting Over, Again
I haven't written in an online journal in years. I used to be an avid online diary writer when I was younger. I took up the "old fashion" pen and paper method after my favorite site shut down. Today, I felt moved to look for another site to dump my emotions into. I am not sure how this will end, but I'll try it out.
So, this diary site states there is a public feature, but also private. I am not sure if I feel safe enough to even post anything public after one girl sought out to make my life miserable. I suppose she had no content of her own to write about. So, she decided to take my entries and talk about them in a negative way. I've always been a firm believer that we grow and learn by taking risks, putting ourselves out there, and allowing ourselves to make mistakes with what we are learning.
Over the years I've learned that patience is important in just about all we do in order to learn or grow. If we are not patient with ourselves we certainly cannot be with others. Though my content as a new wife and mom so many years ago must have served as some sort of entertainment, it by no means gives a soul the permission to belittle or degrade another person because they are growing and learning. Navigating and transitioning into a new stage of life is no easy feat. I could get into it, but I won't. Instead, I much rather talk about what is going on currently.
The real reason I have chosen to give writing online another chance is that it allows me to be heard. I want to share what I am going through and let anyone else who is going through the same know that they are not alone. Which brings me to today. Today, I had a mammogram. I am almost 33 years old. I'm a high-risk patient for breast cancer and after having my doctor check me out a couple of weeks ago I was finally able to get into the imaging facility.
Hours after my appointment today, I was sent a text message that stated they found three masses in my right breast. Tomorrow I am returning for more imaging and I need an MRI. I'm not going to lie. It is a frightening situation. However, I am trying my best to remain optimistic; not just for me, but for my kids and husband. It's not easy. The fear and what if's that swirl around your mind can destroy you. I admit I have been lost in thought the majority of the day since I found out about it. I know things could be worse, and I am hoping the masses they found are benign. One's mind tends to wander when fear of the unknown sets in.
I know that I have a lot to continue to grow through. I would share more, but I believe that should be saved for a later entry in which, I can fully map my thoughts around one crippling subject at a time. Until then, thanks for letting me get my worries off my mind and onto something more solid and simple.
LD