Dear Diary,
BTW
I know its been a fucking long ass day
But I cant relax until I can pack my bags becuase you all ended up being right about him. He was my first best friend, my first boyfriend and I married him after I left
Now we've been together so long. We grew up together. It started awesome. Then he just snapped in 2015/2016
I keep trying to defend him and he keeps refusing therapy and his shit is getting worse. Now its at a point that if he gets the help he needs...well racism he is brown and Ive already seen what white cops try to do to him if they think I cant see
The problem is
I'm on trial with a bunch of veterans
And every time I try to say he's not that bad
He proves me wrong in front of all of them
And damn now im forced to see him for not who he once was
But for this selfish toxic asshole
And I put up with this shit for far too long
I thought I could help him remember who he once was. I suffered 5 years hoping he'd stop this shit cuz im not ready to give up on this awesome nephew and the life we tried to build
But he pretends to be stupid
He pretends he can't speak english
He made me look at the bruises he gave me
Now its too damn easy.
Because fuck that guy
He went from one I once loved
To a fucking nightmare
And now that I'm packing my bags
He is finally apologizing and saying dont go I love you and hes crying
But then I reminded of how many bruises the doctor counted last week
He keeps saying it never happened like that. He did it for my own good and Im just like damn
Keep making it easier on me
I'm choosing to keep the promise I made to so many
And I did so many great things without this guy even noticing cuz he really stopped giving a shit.
Fuck im ganna remind my favorite people who I am
How far I've fucking become
Because guess what
I've survived for so long 30 fucking years
I deserve a fucking break
I sacrificed myself for so long
No more
I'm chosing self care
I'm chosing th3 lessons so many taught me
Fuck it I may not have aged well
But I have my real voice back
I FINALLY HAVE MY GOOD MEMORIES BACK
BECAUSE IM NOT SCARED OF THE UGLY TRUTH BOMB ANYMORE
NEVER AGAIN
I GREW THE FUCK UP
AND I OUTGREW HIM
AND DAMN
IM FEELING Like I finally remember who I really AM!
And no
He doesnt deserve me anymore at all
And its starting to become pathetic
Because he wants to believe I cant live without him
But I've already been doing it this whole time.
Man
Did this guy really forget that I'm a marine too? And in the end, I made it to cpl before he did
So no matter what
Due to time in grade
I will always technically outrank him
And he keeps saying he is stupid enough to forget that.
Damn
I'm just waiting on my clothes to dry
A new home for my 3 dogs
So I can take a chance on going back to a moment
Where I can show you pics of me in paradise and so fucking happy cuz they taught me to survive some real shit and be so damn strong!! He really forgot I've always been like this
I AM A FEMALE MARINE
RAISED BY A BUNCH OF OTHER MARINES! WE ARE THAT FUCKING BADASS BECAUSE WE REALLY GOT TO SEE EACHOTHER BACK HOME
MY PERFECT WISH!
I HAVE A PAINTED PICTURE
IF I TAKE THIS CHANCE I WILL SHOW OFF MY 1 PERFECT WISH EVERY WAY I CAN BECUASE NOW I CARRY THE PAINTED IMAGE
I REALLY WANT YOU ALL TO THINK ABOUT THIS
IF YOU HAD ONE WISH
ONE PERFECT WISH AND NO MORE
WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE TO YOU?
EITHER WAY ALL I CAN SAY IS MARIA BRINK IS SO DAMN EMPOWERING!
I can finally use my words
Yeah I am fucking scary
But thats cuz I grew up exactly how my "dad" imagined I would and it just so raw, real, definitely not a cute teen anymore
I just now becuase I made it to your age, im such a badass just like my "dad"
And I can finally take back that moment I saw him cry in a bad way
Becuase shut the fuck up its not your fault. You really did the right thing for me Kevin
And wifey helped out so much
Cuz the song for my "dad"
What I want him to see
What I need him to hear is this damn music video
In this moment
Lead singer maria brink
Song: The Fighter
Can you finally see how strong you taught me to be? Can you finally hear my roar and know its really a good thing. You never broke me, you helped me grow up! It was just a little faster than you expected. Im so damn grateful you taught me this. Thank you for making that promise with me. I kept my end of the deal! How about you?