Dear Diary,
My confession
I was at your funeral
I'm pretty sure you died already
But fuck it
I'll publicly go crazy at McDonald's for you just cuz damn it I just want to see your face and its terrifying
I'm getting too loud every one is looking at us
Your begging me to just say it just once and get it over with
I dont know how to say this
But I saw you die in Afghanistan
Now I'm at McDonald's yelling at a ghost
Everyone can see me, I dont know if they see you
Either way
If I say it
I HAVE TO ADMIT IM TALKING TO A GHOST IN PUBLIC
AND IT HURTS SO BAD
I HATE THE WAY YOU ARE LOOKING AT ME
PLEASE STOP GLARING
IM SORRY
JUST PLEASE FOR ONCE LETS TALK IN PRIVATE
RAZORBLADE KISS
BITTER SWEET
HE JUST KISSED ME GOODBYE
FUCK IT AS LONG AS ITS A BETTER PLACE SOME SORT OF PARADISE
ILL TAKE THAT FUCKING KISS ANYDAY
NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT HURTS
AND I CANT EXPLAIN WHY
YOUR STILL COMING AT ME A LITTLE TO HOT
IM BEGGING YOU PLEASE JUST WAIT
BUT YOU TAUGHT ME YOUR NAME
NO
FUCK
UM I STILL HAVE YOUR NUMBER
ITS BEEN A FEW WEEKS
IM BACK IN MY UNIT
IM SAFE
PLEASE LETS JUST TALK ONE MORE TIME IN PRIVATE
CUZ ALL I REALLY WANT IS AT LEAST ONE BEAUTIFUL MOMENT WITH YOU
FUCK EVEN THOUGH ITS GOOD TIMING NOW
HE ALREADY SAID NO
HE NEVER TEXTED BACK
HOW SO I LET THIS OLD ASS PHONE GO?
Fuck it I cant cuz I never got to tell you the truth
Why am I such an idiot
How do I tell this amazing ass bomb
This beautiful bomb I never thought was possible
Fuck yes I'm old enough
Fuck yes I know you are just a few years older
Fuck yes you are a sgt and I am a junior marine
Fuck yes, I want you so bad but ummmm
I dont know if you took a minute to look around first
Your asking me in public
I cant answer in public
I'm admin
Yes technically legal
Because your in a different unit
And you are so fucking hot
But even though I AM AN ADULT
If I try and touch you in public
Its like I can hear my dad screaming
Dont touch to hot
Dont forget rank is a thing
Dont forget everyone else sees you holding power over me and they are trying to stop it because literally rank
According to them im just a baby
According to them they want to fight you because they are my family, my brothers and my dad who keep telling me dont worry your safe now
So can you go back to just being, you know a kid???
I'm getting pissed because why is it that every time they see us together fights happen cuz this is embarrassing im too fucking exposed right now
Fuck it go away family im an adult yes he outranks me by like a little bit but why do you keep overreacting, like I know what im doing, technically its legal, I know we are both adults here technically I cannnnn
But your focusing on me look around you
My family is watching
And they think im not ready
Im trying to get them to go away
Let's talk in private
Because damn it if you really trying to say what I think I hear
My response dont make me say this in front of them its a bomb
Fuck it this is my diary
I'm going to pretend its our little secrete
My answer
If you really want to know
My fucking confession
My answer was always fuck yes
You really dont know what you are doing
Stop look at me and look around its a bomb in front of my family
Yes I am technically legal
Because we are both adults
I want you so bad
But dad somehow keeps seeing this
And he keeps telling I have to consent cuz of his rank
And you have no idea how bad I want this
Why the fuck do one of these guys keep popping up when im trying to say his name
Let me have this just once please
Literally I think its just a two year age difference...
And my family keeps saying dont touch that.
Technically sure, but military, rank, um that's still kind of a danger and there is no way my little girl is ready can you just wait till she's at least 20 or something?
I'm trying to say go the fuck away, we are both adults here its just a 2 year age difference or something
He's really hot
Family go away so I can finally say this
Please I just want to say his name just once fuck this is coming out the wrong way cuz
Hello I want my privacy with this guy so I can finally tell him the truth
OK everyones gone? Dead or alive you finally heard this fucking answer that I can't let go of
Sgt noe
If you are really trying to ask my consent
Stop being an asshole and look around
You already have it
I dont give a shit if just once
Or labels
Or how far it goes
Just once I want to touch you sergeant noe
Please letz do this in private so I can be sure we are asking for the same thing
Cuz we are litterally both asking for a bomb
I want this bomb
But the only promise I can make right now
Is that ill hurt you
The only promise I can make is that I'm lying right now cuz no one is getting the fucking hint
Literally if you ask the right way
I can finally say yes
Whenever
Wherever
Even just once
Even just a hug or a kiss
I just want to feel you alive
I just want to see you smile
Because no matter how far I go
Or far you go
How many years
Your memory slaps me in the face
Because you finally fucking kissed me
But it hurts so bad cuz I know you kissed my ass goodbye
Fuck it whatever, just promise me if I finally open my eyes, if I finally say it after all these years
I was literally yours the moment I looked up and saw your face
But we are in a war so please not right now
Too soon too public
I'm yours
Please im begging you not to let me go
Cuz i fucking cant
But fuck it
I really just want to make you blush and smile just one more time
Why cant you hear me
No matter what
I'm here
No matter what I go crazy and end up in a psychward whenever I just try to have a moment were I can see you
I love you so much always
Literally forever
Quit trying to say his funeral was a lie
Because if it wasnt
I litterally just screamed
I know your name
I've always wanted you
I barely even know you
But everywhere I go
Every time I say your name
It is either
Fuck I know
Or
FUCK NO
EITHER WAY
I NEED A STATUS REPORT ON SGT NOE
IF HE IS ALIVE AND SMILING LEAVE IT ALONE
HE DESERVES THAT
DONT TELL HIM THE TRUTH UNLESS YOU PROMISE HE IS OK AND COOL TO SAY IT AND HE DOESNT HURT. PROMISE ME JUST THIS ONCE THE TRUTH WONT HURT
SGT NOE
I DONT KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER
WHEN I TOLD YOU ABOUT DIA DE LOS MEURTOS
BECAUSE LITERALLY MY CULTURE
LITERALLY A HOLIDAY WE CAN BOTH SAFELY EXIST TOGETHER
EVERY YEAR IT COMES AROUND
I THINK OF YOU
And I can finally whisper in your ear I love you
Its ok if you smile and walk away
As long as your smiling
I have a holiday where I can tell you every year
It doesnt matter if its all in my head
Because I can finally say it
Sgt Noe here I am
I CANT SEEM TO STOP AWAITING YOUR ORDERS
BUT WE CAN EXIST IN THIS REALITY WHERE NOTHING CHANGED
NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE TELLING ME
IF THE ANSWER IS LET GO
MY RESPONSE IS ONLY IF YOU ARE HAPPY SOMEWHERE
IF YOU SOMEHOW CAN SEE THIS
PLEASE JUST ASK ME DIRECTLY
CUZ SOMEHOW ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE
JUST SOMEHOW I SAW YOU
AND ITS LIKE I FORGOT TO COUNT AND READ AT THE SAME TIME SO YES
NO MATTER WHAT IM GANNA BE EITHER A CREEP OR WHAT, IS THIS LEGAL IS THIS REAL
I DONT CARE CUZ FOR THE FIRST TIME
YOU HEARD ME WHISPER
I STILL LOVE YOU
I AM SORRY I CANT STOP
BUT I PROMISED YOU ID SURVIVE
YOU PROMISED ME YOU WOULD TOO
ALL I CAN SAY RIGHT NOW IS FUCK IT GIVE ME ANOTHER TATTOOO
YES MY TATTOOS ARE MEMORIES OF YOU
MY FAVORITE IS A SECRET RED THORN ON MY BACK NEXT TO THE FLOWER OF AFGHANISTAN AND YEP SKULL IN THAT FLOWER
BECUASE ITS A FUNERAL, A BIG BANG, AND A LOT OF BODY BAGS FROM K9 UNIT THEY HAVE DOGS
I LIKE DOG...BUT I GET THAT ITS A BOMB SNIFFING DOG. YOU ARE A WALKING TARGET IN SO MANY WAYS. SO STRONG YET SO FRAGILE
SO PROMISE ME
IF I REALLY AM ALLOWED TO
REMEMBER THIS
PROMISE ME I CAN GET JUST LITTLE CLOSER
PROMISE ME IF I FINALLY TELL THE TRUTH
JUST PROMISE ME I WONT HURT YOU
FUCK I ALREADY DID
FUCK IT DOESNT MATTER
FUCK TOO MANY SONGS
LOVE SONGS WHERE I CAN ADMIT IT
I NEVER THOUGHT LOVE AT FIRST SITE IS POSSIBLE. BUT I CAN SEE A SGT NOE, and I dont know what to do
Because no matter what
If I get a little to greedy
A little too close
I have to remember I hurt you so bad
And somehow, I promised I can live with that.
I cant stop singing about you here
Because Im in a psychward
If I stop singing
They cry
They fight
They break glass
They are so fucking ignored
So fuck you doctors
I won't shut up
Not until everyone steps the fuck away
FROM MY FUCKING COMBAT VETERANS!