Wise One,
Another strange dream last night. While much of it was nonsense, the part that really stuck out was "meeting my son". I have no children in real life, and I am not sure I even want any. Yet, I was so happy meeting this 5 year old boy. The weirdest part, was that even though he was biologically mine according to the dream, I had to adopt him from another country. Yet, as I was taking him home, it felt so natural.
I can't deny I was a little sad when I woke up, because he isn't real. At the same time, I still don't think I truly want children. It's more like I enjoy the idea of having children. I do imagine the holidays we would spend together, watching them learn, grow, then have families of their own. Yet in this fantasies, they always have these things in common, they are clean, well behaved, and they love me.
The reality of having children is very different. As much as I love my neices and nephews, they are exhausting and pretty destructive. While they are better behaved then most, their rowdiness and messiness has cost us a mattress topper, a speaker, and 2 computers. These were all accidents of course, but very expensive ones. They also require so much attention, I find myself completely exhausted after just a weekend.
That's not even mentioning how disgusting they are as babies. Daiper blowouts, projectile vomiting, and regularly being peed on. Even cleaning up after my animals makes me gag, I dont think I want to spend 2+ years of my life cleaning various human bodily fluids.
Another factor is that I couldn't afford the life I would want to give it. I don't mean toys either, I mean education opportunities, activities, clubs, classes, and most importantly insurance/Healthcare. I also do not think it would be ethical to bring a child into this world with all that is going on, and especially without a job to support it. Besides, the world is overpopulated anyways.
All this said, why does the idea of remaining child free make my husband and I a little sad? We both know how much easier life is without, and we see how much of a struggle it is on his siblings to parent, especially right now. Yet that dream, I don't know,
Either way, I have so many lessons I must focus on, rather than this.
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