I don't want to die and that's all there is to it. It really is nice to live, even with the bad parts. Seeing my friends at school made me realize that. I couldn't leave them behind, I would never want to do that. If I ever killed myself, I wasn't in my right mind. I just need to remember my friends and how simply being around them can end the shit in my mind.
Ive been thinking of how I would tell someone that Ive considered suicide before. "Ivewantedtodie" is all I can think of and starting with "Iknowthissoundsscary" Its best to be honest. I want to uncover whats going on in my mind, and discover who I am and what I want to be. I dont know what to think or what I think anymore. Ive just been thinking what others say I am, not neccesarily what what I believe. ----- was asking me if I thought that I deserved to be punished or that I was smart etc. Its complicated. Of course turning in an assignment late doesnt mean you have to bleed and die, but for me it feels like or felt like I did. Like ----- said, so I dont forget, the scars remind me. Im kind of a failure. I think the world holds possibilities, but not for me.
I know this probably sounds messed up, but I went on tumblr and read some suicide notes. I wanted to compare how I feel to what others said in their notes. Of course It's different, seeming that I don't want to die, at least not yet. Maybe if I could come back as a ghost like Frank in "TheAnatomyofaFall" Id do it, but I still don't want to. I don't want to leave my friends. I really want to talk to someone, but no one's here right now