11:24 - I told them and I feel like shit. I'm overwhelmed and vulnerable, dads here reading to ----- and mom is being overbearing, trying to ask me all this stuff about homework and being addicted to electronics. She wont listen and wont stop talking, I want to be alone now. I'm not going to the hospital, I'm going to dads and I'm not getting help. I hate this and I'm scared and sick. Mom took the pencil sharpener which I didn't want to give her. I wanted to keep it I wanted to cut again, I still do. Maybe Ill start to scratch, like ------. I want to be alone, I feel like I'm not. everyone's attention is on me and I hate it. I feel invalid. It feels like last time, like nobody cares or believes me like my pain is insignificant. I hate this feeling. I hate it. Coping is for shit and therapy doesn't help. nor does coming out. Nobody's done anything. I want to text someone, have a distraction, but I cant because then I'm addicted to electronics. I want to be alone but then I'm a threat to myself, I want to cut myself, but then I'm sick, I already am.
I'm at dads now, its 11:42 and alls well. I'm not going to finish my work, and I'm gonna fail my class, and I'm gonna have to go to school tomorrow after all this shit happened and I'm gonna act like it didn't because school is not the place to break down and cry. Dad is gonna call the counselor and moms gonna get me a therapist, but nothings going to change because it never does. My anxiety is skyrocketing, I feel like I'm being watched, and the fact that I cannot cut doesn't help, it acted as a twisted form of stress relief. being at dads is better than being at moms. he doesn't hang around I have space to think and its quiet. The first thing mom did was accuse me of things: HW, electronics etc all the regular shit except I had just told her I cut myself so that was not the best response. It made me feel unimportant and invalid because mom didn't believe that I had actual pain. Its always "ohitswithyourfriends" or "doweneedtotakeawayyourelectronics" or some shit like that. It doesn't help, it really, really doesn't help and I feel sick and hurt because of it. I know she doesn't realize that it makes me feel that way but still feel like shit and she didn't even stop when I asked her to, she just kept talking. I want to die right now. I want to bleed out on the floor, and die. I feel so unimportant and small it's pure hell. Why do people have to be so inconsiderate. Its not like something that has always bothered me is going to bother me right after I cut myself still right? and when I ask for you to stop you keep going, and then you come back and keep going until I have to tell you to leave me alone. And then your parting words are still on the topic. I don't need electronic therapy, you do. you need to learn how to appropriately handle this situation and some common fucking sense. Here's to the next few hell filled days, and a body covered in scars
---- 11:57
Cock o' Clock