sometimesIwishIcouldjustkillmyselfonthespot.SoIcouldseehowotherswouldreactwhentheyseewhattheyputmethrough.everytimemymomsignsmeupforvolleyball,Iwanttocutmyselfup.ToputmyselfinanextremesituationsothattheywillfinallyrealizethatIhaveanopinionandhowstuffdoeseffectme.Ihateit.Idon't want their pity, I want them to see, to experience my pain so they'llstopbotheringme.Everythingiseitherboringorstressful.Idon't want to talk, to play, I want to feel something other than nothing. I'maloneagain,Ineverreallyfeltlovedby------thoughbebrokeuptwice,andsheneverseemstocare.SureIwanttodoalotofthingsbutnothingeverhelps.Ihatecamp,Ihatetheworld.Butcompetitionistheworst.everyonejudgesyou,theyallareselfabsorbedmonsterswhojudgeyoubehindyourback.Theirparentsareonlyinterestedinthembecomingthebestanddestroyingpeoplelikeme.thenthere's ------. "Cant we just laugh it off" oh no. yes, one thing I actually enjoy is talking about my problems they still don'tknowanythingaboutmethough,theyneverwill.I'll be forgotten eventually. Pain is different. cutting myself doesn'thurt,itreallyjuststings.Itdoesn't feel bad either, but the worst part about it is that others pity you, they tell you "I'mworried." I know they're not. they talk about me behind my back and call me "thot" and "bitch" I don't give a fuck about them or about their problems. they don't care about me either. all they want is attention and they wont ever know about me. I don't care if it doesn't help. they knowing makes it worse