Journal,
is it bad that sometimes I want to feel sad. to scream, or cry or just feel something. Me and ------- told each other that we like each other today. I don/t know if it's true she told me that I shouldn't "pop" when I kiss. It feels like it pushed her away. I hope she truly likes me. ------ has started dating ----, she seems happy, I hope it lasts. I wish I could finally find someone who I like and that likes me soon, so I can replace this empty feeling. I haven't had therapy for a while, my next appointment is in January. I don't think therapy helps, their questions are dull, you cant get any knowledge or evidence from half a story. I never say my feelings, so sometimes I write them down. Maybe someone will find this diary.
------ is sick, she wont eat, and stuff. She always brings it up and says shes fine, I disagree. -------'s mom called ------'s mom. I hate it, so much, whenever I tell ------ she isn't ok, she denies it and proves my point, saying she ate one thing that week. I need a break, from school, and work, and ------, and everyone. Sometimes I think about cutting again, and how maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I left. It sure would be less of a burden for me, but it's selfish, Id leave so much for them to clean up behind me. And Id hurt my friends. I hate that fact, that if Id die, it would impact others, that's why I'm still alive. I think something bad happened to ------, she hasn't been to school lately, and she wasn't well before, I think she cut herself, or maybe died. I wish I had a relationship, so I could fill the emptiness in my heart. My therapist ----- doesn't get what loneliness is like. ---- told me that she didn't want to date me, I understand why, but it still hurt. ------- hurt too, I don't think it will last. I wish ----- could die, that ------ would let her, it would be the most selfish act she does. ----- deserves to rest and to be rid of the stress of the world. I and she don't want to live, but were both forced to. "Whoeverwalkstherewalkstogether" I like that, it means you're not alone, even though you are. I wish people could understand my pain, and how I feel, because then life might have feeling.
I wish I could cry,
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