[ENTRY 9..✍]

I went out to buy muriatic acid to clean the bathroom when I saw something I wish I'd never seen.

"Oh my god!" I had cried in complete horror upon seeing a dog run by a jeep, my eyes wide open as my whole being froze. The vehicle was moving slowly and I clearly witnessed how the dog's body twisted from the wheel that hit it. Though the people around the area had exclaimed their own shock of what happened, which I'm pretty sure was loud enough for the driver to hear, the driver didn't stop and instead continued to lurch forward. The dog had made a cry of pain but was cut off short when it was rolled over again. This time by the rear wheel.

I heard myself let out a helpless "shit" under my breath, my voice shaky and terrified having no power to stop anything. I stood there glued to my spot as I watched the whole incident unfold before my eyes.

There was no blood. The dog was silent. Was it dead? One guy made a remark about the driver being aware that there was a dog. But that was it. The others who were there had expressed the horror of what they had seen but nobody did anything after the jeep had left. I couldn't move from where I stood as I watched the dog in the middle of the road, immobilized.

You know when you get hit by something in your chest or stomach real hard and you momentarily lose your voice to scream? I can't even begin to imagine the kind of pain the dog just took in. Even the sound of a weak whimper was completely wiped out from the poor creature.

I felt the tears in my eyes beginning to form. And then my face contorted into a cry as I let the tears fall. I don't know if I would've cried had I no mask on. I've seen dead dogs and cats (even a person) on the streets before but it's different when you watch it happen. How they died. This was the first time I've witnessed such an incident and it felt as though the jeep had run over my heart, too.

With the muriatic acid bottle in hand, I slowly walked towards the dog and saw that it was still alive. Barely. Its body turned over to the side, towards me.. ever so slowly. I don't know if the dog had control over that action or its body just moved on its own to find the most comfortable position it possibly could with what I could only suppose as a very agonizing state it was in.

Comfortable..

Ha. It got hit by a jeep. The only comfort that comes after that is quick death.

The dog's tongue rolled out of its mouth, lifeless now, that it touched the ground. Its eyes dark and open as it fought for its remaining breath. Did it look at me? I couldn't remember anymore. I stood there on the side and watched but I couldn't remember if the dog ever looked at me. Or maybe I'm just trying to suppress the memory because I couldn't stand the image of an innocent animal regarding me as death slowly closes in and there was nothing I could do to save it.

I debated on whether or not to approach closer to carry it towards the pavement. But it had rained that morning and I was worried that it might be dirty. Could you believe me? The dog was dying and I was worried that it might be dirty? I hate myself. I know it was just a stupid excuse because I didn't know what to do. Everybody else didn't seem to care. They just moved on. I wanted to pet it. Give it some love before its departure. But I just stood there and then left, my heart breaking into pieces.

I walked home and cried so hard, telling my sisters what happened. Older sis was enraged and asked for the jeep's plate number. How could I have been so stupid? It never even occurred to my mind. I was paralyzed. It seemed like a stray dog and I don't know if you can punish someone for running over a stray dog. I'm so mad at the driver. I hope his jeep explodes.

But I'm mad at myself the most.

I was watching something on Netflix and I'd find myself laughing or smiling here and there, and then the image of the dog with its lifeless tongue hanging out of its mouth as life slowly left him, would pop into my head and I'd feel guilty for even having the audacity to have fun.

I'm so bad. I didn't help it. I could've at least pet it but I didn't. I didn't do anything. I was just like everyone else there who didn't seem to care. I just left it in the middle of the road to die all by itself. I feel so guilty and I hate myself so much that I'm crying right now as I type this. I didn't even want to write this in the first place because it's painful and I'm so ashamed of what I've done. Well, in this case, of what I didn't do. But the picture of the dog with its innocent and helpless dark eyes tightens my chest that I need to let this all out. I know my period has something to do with all these heightened emotions I'm going through but given the circumstances, I have all the right to be dramatic.

Oh, the poor dog.

The sweet, sweet, angel.

I'm so sorry :'(

I hope you're in a better place now and getting a lot of love. I'll never imitate the lack of care the others show should something like that ever happen again. No. Things like that should never happen again. Why do some people have to be so cruel?

I hope the driver dies the same way the dog suffered and goes straight to hell.

Sorry, it's evil, but.. I just really, really despise him for what he did.

Although, if I'd think about it.. If he truly didn't know there was a dog and he had stopped the first time it was hit, would the dog have survived? Or would it have only prolonged its suffering ..

I still hope something bad happens to the driver, though.

Rest in peace, sweet angel. I'm so sorry 😞

Ghufran 's Dear Diary