Lan Nuhai's Dear Diary

I had a panic attack today. I've been seeing a lot of posts about bad events that I wanted to prevent by voting the right people. There's a lot of posts about anger, disappointment and hopelessness that I also share. Guess, I was overloaded. I never

I feel so light, I could not believe it. My life changed so much compared to last year. Such drastic change came into my life six months ago, when I started this using a planner. My life was a mess, alright? I needed something to help me manage t

Ugh. When will all these shit be over. I wanna leave this baggage behind and embrace a new baggage. I swear I'm gonna be fine after this week. I better be.

It's like I returned to 10th grade. It's alright. Transitions are always the hardest. I'm gonna be alright.

Terrible, terrible day. It's my first time to be one of the worst. To belong in the least performing group. It will pass. I just feel bad. I hope that this week will pass well and our group will accomplish what we have to. The burden in m

I don't want to leave. I became so scared of what's in store for me when I graduate from college. I'm in my 20's and I'm expecting myself to handle the tuition of my siblings when I land a decent job. And I don't want to admit that the pressure h

I write to remember my emotional state that day. With a thought that maybe, ten years from now, I can stumble upon words I put together. I can stumble upon a different me that was bound to ink. One day, I will look back. And then, smile for her as I

I took public transportation that day and wondered how a person could connect to me so much. It's a strange, heartwarming feeling. At that time, we already found our own circle of friends and I wanted to lessen the people I let in my circle. It's jus

03.02.2020 I am not depressed. It's just that I noticed a pattern in my behavior. I can be really passionate about my personal development. I changed a lot of times — for better or for worse. I look for a role model around me and pick up a tr

02.16.2020 Sitting alone/together with people I can't see through. Unable to cry. I plugged my earphones to my ears, listening to foreign music I can't really understand. But somehow, it resonated with me. This ride on the way to school, list