April 20, 2026

Dear Diary,

I noticed I've been having more trouble coping with and masking my autism and ADHD. Especially on the Attention Deficit side. It's just been increasingly more difficult to focus on the task at hand and that can easily lead to me doing nothing and feeling depressed. On the autism side I am struggling heavily with social interaction. I have realized that it isn't very much worth it to try and form close connections with people, most people don't like me. And if they do like me it is because of my redeeming qualities (listening to them vent & help comfort, mostly) and not because of who I am and they are uninterested in listening to me in return. It is a lot of trouble just to embarrass myself. I have also gotten way worse at coping with loud noises/overstimulation. I've gotten to the point where if someone yells (even if they aren't being hostile) I just cry. I hate the loud bell ringing in between periods. I think possibly the worst part about all of this is that despite everything, I have been pretty decent at masking just by not talking much to anyone, so I can't quite use any coping methods in public without drawing attention to myself. I have eligibility for a 504 as well after getting my diagnoses but my parental guardians believe I don't need it because I "make good grades"

I hate that since I'm "smart" I'm immediately allowed to suffer through my disability without medication or support. They basically act as if the diagnosis never happened because they tested my IQ at the same place and it was above avg, but I am still struggling and they refuse to see it at all!! It makes me feel sick and I am drowning in it