April 16, 2026

Since commenting back and forth isn't so easy on this platform, I'd love to email (for now), if you're open to it. lkerickson27@gmail.com I felt the same about losing my grandma. It sounds awful and morbid, but I think I had always mentally prepared to lose my Papa first. He has a bad heart, and it's a miracle that it's kept beating as long as it has. I never expected to read a text from my Papa, telling me how alone he felt. I'm a crybaby, and I don't think I've ever cried so hard. Knowing who my grandma was, and what she believed in, is somehow helping me get through it. Sharing memories with my Papa, reminding him that I still remember everything she taught me, I can tell has helped him, too. I'm not going to BS you- I can't imagine losing her at age 21. In a lot of ways, I'm still just as fragile as I was then, only now I've been shattered and broken so many times, I've grown used to the pain, and while I can recognize that staying stuck isn't good for me or anyone around me, having to pick up all of the pieces of myself and try to put myself back together again has created something like a reinforced barrier- it takes a lot more to get me to break. I guess that's progress, right? I hope to hear from you. It's almost like having a time machine, getting to know someone who seems so much like a younger version of myself. No pressure at all- I would understand if that's a boundary you don't feel comfortable crossing. My grandma taught me not to talk to strangers, too. I've had to learn on my own that sometimes strangers are just friends I haven't met yet. -L

But thank u really for sharing ur Story too. It helps me sometimes, trying to help others but it fast makes me struggle too. I'm getting overwhelmed. I just feel so often so loost, not knowing where I belong. I'm scared It will continue, these feelings, not knowing what life holds for me. I often cried to a God I didn't believed in as well, wanting to know what I did to feel this pain for so many years, wanting to know If I'm really a bad person to deserve this... I just feel so hopeless and lost in this World who didn't seem to wanting me.

Thank u for ur words. Really. I lost my Grandma last Month too...it was suddenly, we wanted to take care or her when she would be out of the Hospital..but she never got the chance to come back Home. I couldn't really grieve, I still can't believe it. I sometimes Imagine that she will call me any day now, I see her Whatsapp chat and...just can't understand what happend. I honestly forget about her death many times...believing that she is still here, that I can call her.. but I can't.

I'm about 14 years your senior, and at 34 years old, I've just lost my beloved grandmother last month. She died peacefully in her sleep, as she told me long ago was exactly what she wanted, but I was not able to be by her side. What's worse, is I spent her last few years estranged from my entire family, allowing my own mental health and addiction issues to take over and justify my selfishness. The very beginning of your entry is what I relate to the most, but I don't want to dishearten you or lead you to believe that you'll still be feeling this way when you're my age. My struggles began around age 13, and they seemed to come from nothing but my own mind. I still have days that are harder than others, but my desperate need to be there for my Papa, the strongest man I've ever known, who just lost his soulmate and the love of his life has finally provided me with the motivation to put someone else first. In the last couple of weeks, I've really "snapped out of it", and have been having great conversations and lots of laughs with my Papa on the phone every night, with plenty of texts in between. He's nearly 85 years old, and still works himself way too hard, and has more responsibility than anyone deserves at that age. Like I said, he's the strongest man ever, and the best example of what a man should be for his family that I could ever have asked for. I'm fortunate enough to have a man in my life who has loved me to pieces for the last 5 years, despite my many flaws. I've had my heart ripped out of my chest more than once, and suffered abuse at the hands of men who claimed to love me. 21 was a tough age. I wanted to thank you for sharing your story, and your feelings. Being able to share in such a vulnerable way is a strength, and not a weakness. At times when you feel completely useless, unworthy... all of the things: try to remember that strength, even if it doesn't feel significant in the moment. Don't stop sharing that strength, because it will either help you in some way, or possibly help someone else who happens to read it. I know, personally, helping others is something that has always taken me out of my own head, and even when I fail, knowing that I put effort into something selfless makes me feel better than I had before. Hoping for the best for you, and if you end up responding to this comment, I'll see it in my notifications and am 100% willing to talk, if you're ever feeling alone, or uncomfortable talking to people you know. It can really help, and I have all the free time in the world. Either way, you CAN get through this. You CAN feel better. I'm not going to be the type to say "it'll get better", because sometimes, it doesn't. Sometimes things just change, and it can feel like the end of the world. One thing I can say confidently, is that at age 34, I now think back on all of the times I was curled up in a ball on the floor, crying hysterically, begging a God that I didn't believe in to take my pain away and make it all stop- and I feel so silly. I still have those moments, but they are few and far between. The times I went through it over the years are so insignificant now that I can actually laugh about them, and remember my experiences fondly because I'm finally able to recognize what I learned from them. That point may seem out of reach right now, and that's okay. It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel. It's okay to fail. It's not okay to stay stuck in your own misery, and I'd hate to think of anyone staying stuck as long as I did. You can do this.