April 10, 2026

Dear Diary,

hello again. I just felt like writing again because I am bored and maybe I should give some updates, even though its not much.

Me and Elena are still talking, although less frequently. Every few days, because our timezones are quite far apart. The only time I can really phone for a long time is when its very late at night for her. Last month there was also two weeks where we didnt call at all and I thought maybe she is getting a bit tired of me. After all it has already been a year we have been doing this. But it seems she still likes me, it was quite cute how she said that its our anniversary on easter.

It seems though that she found a new guy who was a bit more exciting than me for a while. It stung a little when she told me, but I think its completely normal if she wants something more real. Although with him she is in a very similar long distance situation as with me. And it doesn't seem like there is anything seriously romantic going on, as far as I know.

Well whatever happens I hope its the best for her. I dont even know what to call our relationship. We are really just two lonely people stuck in our current positions in life keeping each other a little company. But I think I have decided to think of her as my first girlfriend. We will probably never share physical touch or see each other directly, but I guess that just fits my kind of messed up love life perfectly. She is the kind of girl I always wish I could have met in real life. Open to giving a weirdo like me some loving attention but with the right kind of edge. She just feels like a normal person to talk to, she is smart and can give me some contra in discussions and has her own problems in life too. I can relate to her in ways that I couldnt with many girls irl. And those girls I could never liked me back.

Talking to her has given me a lot more confidence I think even though I havent realy made use of it. I just feel way better about myself in relation to romance. If your read anything I wrote here you will know that I questioned even the sheer existence of female attraction towards men. I was so down, because in my real life existence it was nowhere to be found. But Elena is real. I heard her voice say stuff I never thought anybody could say to me. And even if its just two lonely people playing around it means so much to me. I feel like what we have is better than what a lot of shorter flings had that are considered relationships. So yeah she is my first girlfriend she has earned that title more than enough. And we did share intimacy, even if its just phone sex. The concept of a girl tpuching herself to me is still mindboggling. I was so nervous when I first suggested it. In my mind pussys are like holy beings that only grace the lives of mortal men like me in the most extreme of circumstances. I am glad my voice has now provided sufficient stimulation for one of these goddesses. At first I was afraid of sounding a little fake because I am so used to masturbating in silence. It has also done wonders for my libido. Feeling desired really does matter. I think if I could physically touch her it would be even better of course, because it would shatter the mental barrier of my belief no woman would let me do that completely. But oh well at least masturbation and orgasms are fun again. So yeah lets what happens with her. I really need to find a different name here for her, it doesnt really fit her.

Other than that my life has been quiet. I did have a little contact with Belle again though. After we talked a bit about unimportant subjects on whatsapp she has unlocked her instagram and I began looking at her stories. I liked one of them and now she follows me again and I follow her. Maybe we will do a walk again who knows. I know Elena would be glad to hear about it. Or we will get in a big debate about Israel/Palestine again 😂 I can only imagine what she thinks about the Iran war. Many Zionists here are cting like the Iranians want to be bombed, its crazy.

Well so long, I will try to write again soon

Titus