Dear Diary, I started remembering my school years.I want to cry, to be honest. Those 9 years were....bad. It's been 4 years since then, but I still feel the consequences of their actions and words.
I feel extremely uncomfortable in society, as if.. always different. I don't like my appearance. When someone tells me I'm beautiful, I think it's either mockery or pity. I have a hard time relating to people. When someone likes me as a person, it seems to me that it's all fake, and that it's some kind of hidden mockery or desire to gain advantage.
I'm glad that after graduating from high school I transferred to another one and made friends. I didn't become super confident or anything, but at least I wasn't an outcast. Although I've always felt that way. There were people who liked me, but due to my inability to return the favor, I lost many chances to make friends.Maybe some people thought I didn't like them, although that wasn't the case at all.
Now I'm at university, and yes, it's become a little easier. However, I still feel the pain. I've already forgotten most of the moments...I don't remember most of my childhood. I know it was bad. I know I almost always came home from school in tears. And I fell asleep in tears. I only remember a few snippets.The scariest thing is hearing about school "moments" from other people's stories. I've forgotten a lot
But I shouldn't hate myself. I shouldn't let destructive thoughts consume me. I know things will get better with time. I know that I didn't deserve all these actions towards me
In any case, I felt better after writing this.I know everything will be fine.