Dear Diary,
I saw a video on Tiktok of a group of women going out to brunch wearing the same grandma wig and I got so envious.... I get so envious whenever I see a group of friends having fun. Cooperating on the same stupid shit. Because I don't have one. I could've, but.... I no longer recall where it all went wrong. Was it time? Adulthood? Responsibilities? Or that I simply pushed them all away... I have no friends left... And as I grow older and older my heart becomes bitter and bitter... I abhor everything young because they remind me of everything I was once, everything I never did, everything I could've had, everything I could've been. My ex was right. I would end up an old lady with a bunch of cats. But even a cat, I don't have...
I wish.... I wish I had extroverted girlfriends like in those movies. The ones who would talk me down, say how ridiculous I'm being, force me to dress up and drag my ass out into some bar or a club, to help me forget about an asshole and help me find another asshole...
But I'm all alone.
Alone.
Alone...
They have other friends now.
At 15, I used to think I was so old. Because I was "halfway to being 30". Now, I'm even past 30...
God... Why? Why did society decide that at 30, women are expired? 😔 I am so old and undesirable.
I hate myself.
I hate men.
I hate the world.
Everything.
I should've died when I almost did.