Dear diary, I’m honestly amazed at how she keeps playing with me and my feelings without even being here.
She still controls me, my mood, while being with someone else.
I just want to ask: why does she need all this?
She wanted peace. She made her choice.
She has her partner. She chose him.
Let them be happy. He’s her friend, her family, her love. Not me…
I’m not Mother Teresa. I won’t be her emotional support at the cost of my own feelings, no matter how much part of me wants to.
I don’t want to hold her relationship together by destroying myself.
And whoever she pretends to be, I can feel it, I’ll recognise her. The heart knows.
But let’s stop this. Please. Leave me alone.
It hurts, even if I joke and play along with these games. Mb it is funny, but it has it’s negativity for my state.
One of her accounts has already gone quiet, let’s not continue this through others.
I hope that in the new year she finds what she’s looking for, if her partner is not her friend at first…
And that she finally leaves me in peace, without triangles anymore.
“You have no idea what’s going on inside me.
The kind of pain I’m in from choosing not to be near you. The thoughts that eat me alive every single day, and the physical toll this takes on me without you. I can’t just switch to another partner like it means nothing. But believe me, I’ll do whatever it takes to get there.
Just for now, while I’m tearing myself apart mentally, don’t step in. Don’t pretend you want to save me. Don’t write to me.
I don’t matter to you.
So please let me go through this hell on my own. I will love you forever if you want to hear it. I will be a friend, a partner, a lover, thanks to that feeling. But… For someone else who chooses me. And let me make my own family too. I want a family and a good partnership there.”