September 23, 2025
My love, I feel terrible. My head is being torn apart, I threw up. I feel like I have to get wasted even though I absolutely shouldn’t. I’ve already wrecked my medication routine anyway. Why is everything easier in the first days, and then it starts to break me apart… The headache throbs like my pulse, maybe there really is a tumor, and that’s the root of all my problems… Though if there is, at least I wouldn’t have to worry about a future without you. Of course I won’t check. I’ll get paid and buy cigarettes. Alcohol… I’m too introverted for casual fling, just want to lose myself for a little while. To vanish, if I can.
It’s like fate’s mocking me — drivers are being careful, people keep their distance. I feel this urge for a crash, to step out and not even notice the car. And all they do is shout at me for not watching the road when I cross. Bastards.
I
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