Dear Diary, ok so lets do this.
This entry is about someone I have been in constant contact with recently, mainly over discord. Lets call her Elena because of a show she likes The Vampire Diaries. I havent had many positives in my live recently but Elena has definitely been one. In these recent months when nobody had been very friendly to me all day when I was constantly ired for my life choices, she was a light in the dark. We would call every night, watch movies together or I would just listen to her sleep because she lives in a different time zone. She is a really cool person and also one of the only women I have ever met who are openly ok with me flirting with them, which has given me so much confidence. Anyone who has read my entries here knows how much I struggle with that.
But sadly today I write about a rather negative thing that has happened tonight. Elena and I agree on many things, but just like Belle she happens to be a conservative. Well Belle never called herself one, she always dodged any clear allegiance and was just asking questions that happened to align with right wing talking points. As you may know I am a leftist, not a liberal, someone who actively wishes for socialism to abolish capitalism and thinks transwomen are women. Lately I have been especially interested in anarchism, sorry to all the marxists out there hope we can still work together.
So naturally whenever the topic of politics came up with Elena we were not seeing eye to eye. I am not someone who will not be close to someone just because they have different views from me. However I will also not soften or disguise my opinions when they come up. I never get angry at other people in these discussion, but I am passionate about politics and others can probably tell. In fact Elena commented about my soft spokenness in our debates.
Also Elena is not nearly as frustrating to talk to as Belle was. Elena clearly says what she thinks and she doesnt mean any harm in anything she says. Belle held some opinions (or at least that is what I gathered from her "questions" ) that showed she deeply felt that she looked down on other people or felt they needed to be oppressed to ensure her own safety. At the end I think she even looked down on me for not having a job at the time. Being against unemployed people is a big thing for conservatives here.
Elena on the other hand is mainly just repeating stuff from social media, mainly Instagram. And she doesnt think that any of the people she sees there want anyone any harm. For example she thinks that conservatives dont hate people for being trans, they are just concerned about transpeople encroaching on womens spaces. Conservatives also dont hate immigrants, they are just concerned about the safety threat that these people present or them taking away peoples jobs. Racism is not a serious threat to her that people are constantly killed over and that ruins peoples lives. Its just friends telling each other risky but harmless jokes about people with different skincolors. Conservatives just want to protect our right to make jokes from these uptight progressives, thats the only reason they defend racism.
From my perspective this is very naive and I have to argue against it, if I hear it. Of course conservatives want to surpress the ability of transpeople to live their gender identity. Womens bathrooms and womens sports are just useful arguments for them that sound reasonable enough. No conservative man has ever cared about the fairness of womens sports until it suddenly became useful to them. Women were even banned from doing sports in the good old days when we had "traditional values" But now they moved the goal post and are the biggest defenders of womens sports. Of course.
But yeah Elena is a nice person who thinks other conservatives are nice people too. And all the bad stuff they do is just to keep even worse stuff from happening. I am probably patronizing her by writing this and I do apologize. Everybody is allowed to think what they want, but as a leftist it is just so frustrating to see how easily people are willing to believe the most obvious swindlers looking to make bank. Donald Trump himself, maybe the biggest conman to ever live being the most obvious example. Christians will think he is the most devout person ever when he is so clearly an atheist phoning it in. The list of deception is just endless with that guy.
Ok to the thing that actually happened. Just a few hours ago the conservative american podcaster and debate bro Charlie Kirk was shot on a college campus and has now died. Elena apparently has been a fan of his. I didnt know much about him except some parodies from leftist spaces making fun of him for mostly just debating young unexperienced college kids and farming content off them that makes him look good. Another right wing podcaster who doesn't mind spreading hate if it makes him bank. Most recently South Park did a parody of him.
So Elena and I watched a movie together tonight the remake of "The Hills have eyes". We watched the original yesterday and both liked that one better. So afterwards she suddenly starts talking abpout Kirk. At first I had no idea who she was talking about until I quickly looked him up. She was very upset about his death, but I didnt realize that at the time. To her he was probably a nice guy who brought her a lot of laughs.
But as the fool I am I just cant hold back with my opinion on him and I talk about him pretty dismissively. After all he stands for most of the politics I dislike. But shortly aftee his violent death that was really insensitive of me of course. I didnt wish him this fate.
So Elena sends me his last post on instagram which apparently she really enjoyed. Its about him talking to a guy holding a sign saying "Kirk is a Nazi". And Kirk guesses he thinks this because the Nazis were against transpeople just like him. Then he says "Well do you have a dog? Hitler had a dog, therefore you are Hitler!" To this the guy responds by making the same argument back at him, just with Hitlers beard or sth and then he storms off calling Kirk a Nazi again. Obviously this makes Kirk look good because his opponent didnt have a good reply and just resorted to insults. Kirk then states that all leftists are like this, they dont have good arguments. Thats why they have to call people fascists or racists because name calling is all they can do.
I really should have said nothing and left Elena to her grief. But I foolishly said my true opinion on the video exolicitely calling it stupid. Obviously you can call someone who holds a good number of political opinions the Nazis had, a Nazi. Just like how it is reasonable to call someone who doesn't like capitalism a leftist. Having a dog holds no political signigicance, so of course you cant decode their politcal views through that fact alone. Calling someone with a dog a doglover though would be fine.
I dont know much about Kirk, but apparently he was, like many MAGAs, a white supremacist, which is a core believe of the Nazis. Just like being against queer people was a core Nazi believe. Look up what happened to the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft if you dont believe me. Or look up which of the concentration camp inmates had to wear the pink triangles.
So this sparked a heated discussion. I kind of suspect she maybe intended it, because she should know what I think of rightwing politics by now. Mabye she just wanted me to see the guy. If so then my reaction was of course overzealous.
So we talk about trans people again a little bit. She actually has a opinion on trans people that is like mostly the same as mine. The only point she wont give up is that a transwoman is a woman. She insists on calling them transwomen only and other women biological women. This is the exact same thing leftists do when we say cis and trans. But conservatives see themselves discriminated against by the term cis. Even though nobody is ever belittled for being cis. But just being called a strange new term is too much for conservatives to bear of course. So we talked about chromosomes a bit and how that might be the way to identify gender. To which my reply was that nobody ever checks anyones chromosomes when they treat someone like a man or a woman. There are xy people who have vaginas and look female, although they often cant get pregnant. About 1 in 15000 I read. Elena suggested calling these intersex. But in my opinion everybody has things about them that are not fully male or female. Some women have no boobs or cant get pregnant, some men are scrawny or cant grow a beard. The body is a chaotic peace of flesh formed by nature. Its us humans who make definitions, categorizing what nature has developed. And its true that you can roughly sort people in two categories, based on traits like genitals, body shape or tone of voice. But that doesnt mean these categories are ironclad, they are just convenient. We are just describing nature, our definitions cant bring order into the chaos. Biology has much more complicated ways of describing gender where there are more than two possibilities. But even those can never be perfect. And in everyday life social gender is way more important than any biology. Or does biology dictate who has long hair and wear dresses? But Conservatives like it simple. More than two genders? Are these leftists stupid and cant even understand conventional wisdom? Everybody can see that there are only two genders and they are defined at birth. Any other thought is not necessary. And because most people dont think very hard about gender these conservatives can make lots of money and influence by telling people what they want to hear. Nevermind how strange and complicated our world actually is. Why ever change your perception when you can instead act like it is absolute and can never be questioned.
But I ranted again. Elena then asked me if I think she was a Nazi. Of course I dont think she is. But for the sake of my argument I said "I dont know, depends on your views. Because I wanted to show her that we leftists dont just call people Nazis for the sake of it, we have our reasons. Of course just being sceptical against trans people is not enough to be a Nazi. You need to align with them in multiple ways to actually be one.
But yeah me calling the guy stupid made her understandably angry, given that he just died. So she called me stupid and ended the call. I wanted to apoligize but she blocked me. So now I have to wait if maybe she will change her mind, could write her on telegram maybe.
So maybe I have ruined another relationship over politics. We even had a deal to not talk about it any more, but this news shattered it. It is strange how American Politics can divide two people who live in two very different countries.
After she blocked me I looked at twitter to see what other leftists were saying about the death. They were mostly pointing out how ironic it is that he was shot at a debate on gun control. Apparently he often argues that a few gun deaths and school shootings are worth it in order to uphold the fundemental right of americans to bear arms. Now he himself is one of those gun victims. Just like so many americans have to die because conservatives wont implement stricter gun restrictions. Thinking about it does make me feel sad for him, what a twisted fate.
Yeah I hope Elena will forgive me, it would be pretty sad to end things like this. I think she probably will, but still I'm melancholic at the idea of this being it.
Hope you guys are doing well,
Good Night