So I talked to Johannes. Sorry, I'm weak. I have no self-control 😔 Besides, I wanted to know if he's miserable. This was several minutes after he deleted his “How are you, Bliss?”
I answered it with: “Not so good. I have a cold. Hbu?” Then strategically added: “Oh, you deleted it. Lmfaoo.”
Not even a second later, he was already typing.
Him: “Yes, because you did not answer anyway.”
It was the way I read it in my head—imagined or not—that made me angry.
The bastard feels entitled to a quick reply? Hang him!
Me: “I was busy.” Busy ignoring you, bitch.
Four minutes of silence.
Him: “I hope you get better soon.”
Me: “Thank you, I hope so too. How you been? Nice pic, looks like you.”
For a long time, he kept the quick ink portrait I made of him as his profile photo, even after our official fallout, which of course made me fume in silence. How dare he still use my token of affection for him after blatantly humiliating me?! After making me cry, after hurting me… I hated it. Oh, how I hated it. But inside of me, there was a pathetic, timid ghost, whispering that maybe, it meant something.. That maybe it reminded him of me.. And deep down, I wanted it to remind him of me. To haunt him.
It was only a few months ago that he replaced my drawing with this .. cartoon-style avatar of him wearing a grey flat cap straight out of Peaky Blinders. It screams Tommy Shelby, whilst his face screams unhinged goblin.
By that, I mean his eyes are hidden behind chunky black sunglasses, where below sat a comically large nose and a moustache just as ridiculously bushy as the eyebrows. His clothing: a black shirt beneath a familiar black leather jacket. Around his neck is a silver chain, where I could imagine a cross pendant dangling at the end, had the frame not cut it. He sits confidently in a tall black gamer or office chair, like someone ready to jump into random Zoom calls and troll people. He had always wanted to do that with me.. Overall, he dons the disguise every cartoon villain or prankster pulls out when they’re “incognito.”
Him: “Haha, I play with AI. Why did you drop random stuff at the residence?”
So he does get notified...
Me: “So that's you then? Hahaha, why do you even still have it? Just give it to me 🤣”
Him: “Why do you want it? Are you still living at your sister’s place?”
Just the question I was afraid he’d ask. My mood dimmed.
Me: “Won’t answer till you answer my questions.”
Him: “What question didn’t I answer?”
Really? He couldn’t scroll up? Is he a handicap?
This boiled my blood, so it wasn’t until six hours later that I cooled down enough to respond.
Me: “Must I need to spoon-feed that to you still?”
Seven hours later, now 11 AM in Germany.
Him: “? That ist not me in the picture, obviously.”
I heaved a deep, exhausted sigh and rolled my eyes.
Me: “How are you, Johannes? That’s literally the 3rd time now.”
Him: “I am OK, Bliss.”
OK? He’s okay? He’s not depressed? Suicidal?
Him: “So are you at your sister’s place?”
Me: “Yes, I am at my sister’s place. Are you still in the same apartment?”
Him: “Yes.”
Then he sent a picture he showed me last year, when he had just moved in. His big TV and an even bigger newly purchased one he was so proud and ecstatic about. The size difference is dramatic, making the smaller television look almost like a toy next to the beast behind it. Both were placed on the floor atop a cardboard. Behind the large TV is a massive box—probably the one it came in—propped up against the wall and partially covering a window. Other than that, the room was bare, save for a speaker and a green curtain.
Him: “Do you remember that room?”
Me: “Yeah, why?”
Him: “Looks like that now.”
Here, Diary, I was stunned. He sent pictures of the same room, and the transformation was... unglaublich. The furniture, the decoration, the soft and cozy lighting, the whole set-up.. I felt a strange sensation in my gut, and it wasn’t a pleasant one.
Me: “The way my mouth dropped... Did you message me back to gloat?”
Him: “😂 Do you like it?”
Me: “It looks amazing. I hate you. Lol.”
Him: “I am also happy with it. What did you do in the last months?”
Me: “Do you have a roommate?”
Him: “No.”
Me: “What happened to the TVs?”
Him: “The TV is in the living room.”
Me; "And that's.. the dining room?"
Him: "Yes."
Me: “Is the living room as fantastische as the dining room?”
Him: “😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂”
Me: “What’s very funny? Lmao.”
Him: “That you said fantastische.”
Me: “Oh… oops.”
Him: “So I had your voice in my head speaking German.”
Me: “Ah, I thought because your living room’s a total contrast to the dining room.”
Here, he sent three pictures showcasing the large TV, a brown leather couch with the abstract paintings on the wall above it, and the view outside.
Me: “Ah, nice. Love the balcony.”
But Universe… you disappoint me. The man is thriving. This.. this was what I prayed for when he still loved me, yes, and when the future to me seemed bright. But I long took that back as soon as he ripped my heart out. I supported him and stood by him when he had nothing, and as soon as he got a fresh chapter opened for his life, he left me behind and closed our pages.
So… how is he happy? How is he okay? I’ve been sending negative thoughts and energy towards him—does the “evil eye” not work for me? Must I resort to black magic to cast upon him bad luck and misfortune?
Oh, but to be a witch…