I’m starting to suspect that he might be reading my thoughts…
Not like a mind-reading sorcerer, but more like someone who somehow stumbles upon this space.
I mean, I did have the link on my profile for a while, but I doubt he actually clicked it. And I deleted it later anyway.
But still… after my emotional meltdown — or maybe I’m just imagining things — he removed his info from Bookreads, even deleted some messages.
Coincidence? Or am I overthinking again? Ugh, it’s driving me crazy.
This fear of overthinking is getting to me — because it always bothered him, and now I’m afraid of even letting my mind wander, scared it’ll lead me to some made-up conclusion.
But it’s just… too weird.
My emotional outburst, then him suddenly wiping things clean…
Or maybe — plot twist — we’re PMS-ing in sync? Our hormones acting up together?
Now that would be some cosmic comedy.
But then again — why the hell would he read my “nonsense”? My whining? Why would he care about what’s going on in my heart or my head? If he did read any of it… I imagine he’d say something like: “What the f@ck?” Or maybe… I don’t know, he’d at least respond to the pain behind the words. But nope. So yeah, it’s probably just another pointless overthinking episode. Why would he care about me and the things I write here, anyway? Who am I to him, really?..
Lol… It’s like a battle within myself — an eternal argument between my heart and my mind.
Just mini-story:
Me #1 (the soft one):
You’re overthinking again. Let it go.
Drink your tea. Open your book. Breathe.
Me #2 (the firestarter):
But what if I’m not wrong? What if he is reading this?
What if those changes weren’t a coincidence?
Me #1:
And what if they were? Why do you need it to mean something?
You’re not the center of his universe.
Me #2:
I never said I was.
I just… hoped I was at least a tiny star in his sky.
Me #1:
Maybe you were. Maybe not.
But you’ve got your own sky. Stop dimming your own light for a maybe.
Me #2 (quietly):
It just hurts, you know?
Me #1 (gently):
I know.
But you’re safe now. Let the book hold you tonight instead of the maybes.
Alright… I’ve said what I needed to say, calmed my soul. Now I’ll finish my tea and dive into a new book. Lying down and listening to an audiobook feels dull — but reading? Reading is different. There’s something comforting about losing yourself in a story for an hour or two. Yeah… I really flared up with all that overthinking. And just as quickly, I’ve put out the fire… Calm down, my dear self. I still want to believe in fairy tales… So I’ll keep believing:
“Good night, and sleep well. I hope you’re not reading this — but I do hope you can feel me whispering to you, every night, I wish you sweet dreams anyway. I just can’t fall asleep without wishing you goodnight… Without quietly reaching out to your image in my mind…Hug…”