Hi, dear diary.
I missed you…
Today was hard. Truly hard. From the morning, I had to pull myself together, like picking up shattered pieces scattered on the floor, and somehow push forward — no matter what.
I had to finish work. I had to get up. I had to live.
Today, I didn’t feel like an architect at all. More like a landscape designer, a paving worker. It felt as though I wasn’t digging through a drainage system, but through my own pain — layer by layer — until I could reach something steady inside. Fremont’s landscaping standards, drainage system and details, the study of urban vegetation… It all felt like a manual for the chaos in my mind.
The physical pain blurred the edges of my perception, but somehow, amid the tension, the tasks, the process — I felt a strange kind of calm. I did everything right. All the way through. And now… something new has become a part of my knowledge, a part of me.
The rest of the day I just tried to feel better. Fighting the fever, drinking lots of tea with honey, cooking something light…
By evening, things got worse again. The cold crept into my joints — I’m so frozen I can barely feel my fingers. And my eyes… they hurt again, tear up again. The world blurs.
I guess I’ll skip the book again tonight. And once more, I’ll stay with this quiet, aching state.
But I really did miss you… I always do, even if it makes no sense at all.
Anyway — I said what I needed to say, I felt a bit of support… and now, as always, I wish you good night.
Time to rest these tired eyes — even if only for a few hours… Or minutes🥶
01:05…. I don’t know what I’m waiting for… I wished good night and that’s it. There’s nothing to wait for. I need to sleep and get better.