Dear Diary,
Hi,
It's 4:15 am in the morning and this note is about 23rd and 24th post midnight.
I know after this note I might become a bad person but it's okay I don't care.
I thought I would work on Sunday but anything such thing couldn't happen as I woke up late... actually from a long time I sleep quite late which in turn leads to waking up late in the morning and half day is gone...
I cooked Spinach Chicken today. I went to the mall...saw a cute couple there...how the boy insisted his girl to click her picture and he was very adamant that her bag would spoil the pic so he took her bag and clicked her pictures...and then they went away...he still carrying her bag and I was smiling seeing them... then inside the mall also...there were a lot of couples today and even though it was Sunday there wasn't any such crowd maybe coz of Ind vs Pak match... I saw another couple boy holding the hand of his girl and walking around...that point I remembered him.
And after sometime I started to feel cramps... quite intense...it continued but didn't tell my mom otherwise she would have asked to get back home... and it was there for a long time...till the time we were in McDonald's...I thought I will get rest after going back to home but no rest...mummy wanted to me to buy something... I went to H&M...I feel everything there is overpriced... the quality and prices doesn't match...who is gonna pay for a thin recycled tshirt 999 or more... only thing I like about this place is I don't have to struggle with sizes and I love their sequined dresses and normal dresses also...but I don't buy anytime thinking where would I wear them... I want to wear such clothes but I don't have appropriate place to wear it so I ended up buying nothing. I got a perfume and hair mask.
Dear diary, I am angry on them...his side of family...I mean they are enjoying their life, travelling, eating, visiting new places and religious places too and I am suffering here not only I am suffering, my family is also suffering... At his end, they seems to be so happy...as if they never wanted it to happen and they got a good excuse for that...they are doing everything... only thing that could have been avoided for the mourning was our function. And I feel that he is not the priority at his home.
I don't like his sister that much and I feel she is considered more important in his family...I am happy for her or tbh I am very netural...she has an impeccable timing you know...so that the rest of 2025 will revolve around her only... it will take Nov-Dec and no new beginning for him as they'll say that she can't travel so we can't do anything, any function during this period or she won't attend...not with me but if there is someone else also...this reason will be given...and I guess travelling is considered safe till an extent...although you need to be cautious everytime but for initial trimester you need to be extra cautious and in last 2 months but yup...she is entering a new phase in life...new beginnings for her...but what about rest of the people...they also deserve happiness...new beginnings...making things only about you is not the best thing to do...make other people happy, spread some happiness in other people lives as well... everyone will wish good for you then with all heart. Anyways, I wish good health for her.
Anyways, I need to get out of these things as there was 1% hope but now I have lost that hope also...as nothing is gonna this year with him...as I personally feel that he isn't the most loved one in the house...he is a giver...so he gives love, effort to everyone...
And I have to get married by the end of the year...coz I want to marry...I want a partner... whose world be revolve around me... I want to be happy... I want to be loved... I also want a new beginning, new chapter in my life, I also want my parents to be happy...
It's 4:50 now... Idk what else I want to right, it's the only hot topic in my life...
I would start seeing new people from March, already seeing through their profiles but I am not considering them... it's time to move on...coz holding it is not gonna take me anywhere,.. anything won't change... my mind had accepted it earlier but heart couldn't but today I feel that my heart has also accepted this...it hurts less now... although getting over and detachment is a gradual process because sometimes I can't deal with it... and it troubles me...and I get so anxious that my hands starts trembling like it happened today over the call when I was getting angry...but I will overcome it with time...
Okay diary it's 5 am now, I am feeling little sleepy now but I fear sleeping right now will isn't a good idea... instead I should wait for an hour and get out of bed by 6 am or I should sleep??
I should many alarms so that I can wake up on time.
Okay bye!! Still not feeling that better... I want to be more honest while writing...
Bye!