January 15, 2025

4
Comments

I used to think I was kind, generous, obliging, flexible. And I am all those things. But over time, kindness has turned to compliance, flexibility has turned to folding myself in ten to make sure I don't upset anyone, and in the end, passivity. Passivity so violent that I am hurting myself, with every one of my actions. And not just myself. Maybe I could get that through that thick fucking skull of mine. I'm not helping anyone, least of all me. But since I don't matter to myself, let me say this so I don't ever forget:

When I disregard my needs and my wants in favor of the needs and wants of others, they end up with a skewered vision of me, someone who's kind of me, kind of not. And in doing that, I hurt the people around me. I. Hurt. The. People. Around. Me. Since that's the last thing I want, maybe drilling that into my head will help. Maybe I'll stop just... Letting things happen to me. God I want to cry... What kind of messed up human am I.

Lydia Rose ✓

Jan 15, 2025 · 50 views

Comments (4)

Lydia Rose Mar 18, 2025

thank you @Twisted Heathen you are a lovely person 💛

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🖤😈Twisted Heathen😈🖤Mar 17, 2025

You are very much The furthest thing from messed up honey, And that thick skull I have It to as much as you might not like It It will save your life one day, and I do the same shit as u I hurt people I know how you feel but If you keep taking care of everyone else and not yourself to you're gonna keep digging yourself Into a grave. You have a good heart but how can you take care of people If you can't take care of yourself Enjoy life DO NOT let It bring you down and If you wanna cry let the motherfucking water pour get that shit out honey never keep It In.💜

Lydia Rose Jan 28, 2025

@Songbird Thank you kind friend 💛

SongbirdJan 15, 2025

You are not messed up. It is ok to be selfish sometimes. If you are pulling yourself past the breaking point for these people then take a step back. If they are angry at that then they aren't worth your time. If they truly cared about you they would understand. I understand putting on a fake face for the people around you. It is hard to let go of that because...then you are you? If you don't have that then who are you? You are a wonderful person that's who. A person who is capable of great things. People should love you for who you are. You might think you don't matter to yourself but you matter to me. I might be a stranger in this vast world but I will tell you right now that you matter to me. You can do this. It might feel like you can't continue forward but sometimes taking a break can give you the energy you need. I believe in you! Lots of love!! Songbird

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"I can shake off everything as I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn."

— Anne Frank