Dear Diary,
You know the drill, I am writing a little early. For some reason my alarm was stuck to going off at seven so I decided to just get up at seven. I woke up and got ready for the day. I went to the cafeteria, got some breakfast and finished an assignment that’s due tomorrow. I saw some friends and that really made my day but as I was sitting there I was wondering if I would see Lucas. Tomorrow is his birthday. To be honest I am disappointed I never got to celebrate Christmas with him or his birthday because I had the best gifts in mind. Oh well. Guess I saved some money. I have been wearing my new mask and it has helped me to feel more secure. I went to the library and tried to read a book but it just wasn’t giving me the vibe. Lately I feel like I have been too picky about my book choices, but what can you do. I want to call the police today. Check in what has been going on. It’s been a month since I have checked in so I feel like it’s fair. I have been listening to music nonstop just because it helps drown out the world. I feel like I am doing much better but there are times when I fall. Last night I had a daydream/nightmare of Nick coming after me and I curled up in a ball and cried. It took me a really long time to fall asleep. It has been becoming more and more of a problem with falling asleep and staying asleep. So far my energy levels are fine but once the semester really starts going I’m going to be using more of my energy stores and will get tired and burnt out. I don’t know how to describe how I am feeling right now. Mentally uncomfortable? It happens when I think about this. It makes me feel sad and angry and anxious. This morning I thought I might need to skip breakfast because I was feeling so sick from anxiety. Thankfully it went away so I could eat and not be starving. I hope Lucas is rethinking is actions right now. Thinking how much he hurt me. How selfish he was. I worked on my story for about two hours today and now it is at about 30 pages and I have made it to chapter four of it. I am really proud of it. I know it isn’t perfect and will need a lot of revision but I am proud nevertheless. I think I am going to go back to my dorm and maybe watch some YouTube or draw. I have been watching a YouTube channel called hellavuboss and it has been so good. I love the characters. I want to sketch them today. I haven’t been able to find good reference photos on google and then I remembered I could screenshot from the actual video on my phone so I can find a position I like and go off from there. It is now later and is about midnight. I went on a really long walk and lately I have been feeling insecure and have been wearing a mask. People have been staring and that didn’t feel any better so I took it off. I sat on a hill and sat against a tree, listening to music. I then went back to my dorm and watched some YouTube and began finding positions for my drawing and listened to grim darks for my little pony (no judgement lol). I have been really artsy and creative today. Drawing, listening to music, writing, and listening to people telling stories. Tomorrow is Lucas’s birthday. I don’t know what I’m hoping for. Him asking for me back? So I can tell him what I wanted to originally? I don’t know. I also didn't get the courage to call the police. Wish me the best.