What the hell.. Luigi Mangione looks like my first love ..
Before realising this, I'd already scrolled through videos of him on instagram but already noted he seemed somewhat familiar. There was something about the way he moved his jaw which gave me the impression that I've seen it on someone before.. However, his appearances on my screen didn't interest me and these idle musings only lingered when my eyes would perceive him. That was when I came across a mugshot of him in an orange jumpsuit that he held my attention at last. The more I regarded his face, the more he reminded me of somebody I knew. And then finally, in his rugged and intelligent countenance, I saw the attributes of the first boy to whom I surrendered my heart.
Dark, curly hair, thick brows framing deep brown almond eyes..
To see if my speculations were right, I went to my Google Drive and dug old folders to hunt for pictures of Jacob I once treasured so dearly. I found one where the facial resemblance, even the pose and the tilt of the head, was uncannily similar to another portrait of the alleged CEO-shooter. Even their noses—God, even their noses—bore a likeness cruel in its precision.
It's been 10 years... Seeing Luigi's face every time I'm on Instagram compels me to wonder how Jacob is. Is he still alive?
With this curiosity, I turned on the Sherlock in me and was disappointed to find the youthful vigour I once had to investigate no longer resided in my present wearied old age. I miss the time where I could devote endless hours in the pursuit of such mysteries because now, no longer do I possess the energy to even try enough. After the lazy scan I conducted on the search results on Facebook and Instagram, and not seeing his picture on the profiles that bore his name, I've just decided I couldn't find him anywhere. I tried to remember his mom's name but my deteriorating memory failed me. His two brothers—whose names thankfully I still recall—I searched, which included the youngest one who was born around the time we had our situationship. Can't believe the boy’s 10 now.. But just like their big brother, their online existence eludes me. Even his beautiful cousins whom I once followed on Instagram are now a mystery to me. Why did I have to unfollow them?
I do still have his email address, two of them, but I'm not sure if they're still active.. The idea of sending him a letter lingered in my mind, but it would be a lot easier to just watch him from behind a screen, unseen and unbeknownst to him.
The constant display of Luigi's figure on my instagram eventually aroused my curiosity to learn who the man was. No longer did I skip posts of him with disinterest. At last, I took the time to read captions, comments—the narratives circling around him, until the man won my respect and admiration. I then told my sister about these findings, his case, how the people love him, and mainly how he resembles Jacob.
One afternoon at the dining table, just after lunch, I found myself smiling like an idiot at my phone and couldn't help sharing to my sister what rendered me so. “Legit, he's my crush now,” came out of my mouth whilst flashing her a mugshot of Luigi that had me acting like an enamoured teenager.
But my sister, ever so suspicious, with a knowing and teasing smile on her visage, remarked upon this fixation of mine and said: “You just miss Jacob.”
Trust me, I don't. Sure, their resemblance was what caught my attention, but it's the tale that Mangione represents that captured me wholly: justice, vengeance, and the dark allure of a flawed hero. His alleged crime paints him as a symbol of rebellion, and this type of criminal is not difficult to romanticise especially when the said criminal carries in him a handsome physiognomy. Or maybe it's just the bandwagon effect that got a hold of me for the moment.. I don't just take delight in randomly seeing posts of him anymore, I actively choose to click on them now (even going out of insta to websearch him), affecting my algorithm and resulting to my explore-page being crowded with publications of him.
I totally support the intention behind eliminating the CEO, whoever the real culprit is, just like how I supported Light when he started using Death Note (before he became corrupt, of course).
The insurance companies—along with their fat cat CEOs—are undeniably complicit in a system that condemns people to suffer, often to the point of death, all in the name of profit. The tragic irony is that these companies are the ones who claim to provide protection and security, but in reality, they just leave people to fend for themselves when the stakes are high. Sad to say but that's the cruel reality we live in. The rich hoard resources, exploit the systems, and walk away unscathed while the rest of us scramble for scraps, all while being told to "trust the system." The very system that fuels the greed of those at the top. What a load of absolute bollocks.
If those in power are supporting this corruption, then, by extension, they are supporters of death. They are just as culpable as the ones causing the harm. So it's no damn surprise that when justice fails to do its job, people start to believe that taking matters into their own hands is the only way to level the playing field. That's where someone like Mangione becomes a symbol—his (alleged) actions, while violent and extreme, tap into the raw frustration of those who see no other way to fight back against corporate greed. Even if his methods are questionable, his act feels tied to a cause that people can rally around. I know that understanding someone's motives and condoning their actions are two completely different things. But if Mangione's actions are driven by genuine rage against systematic injustice—specifically the exploitation and suffering caused by the healthcare system—it could feel justifiable to some, especially those who have suffered under such systems: people who are denied healthcare, who can't get the treatment they need, or who are crushed by medical bills they can't pay.
Of course, there are less barbaric ways to fight a system so corrupt, ideally by protests, collective action, voting (if the system even allows it); however, these methods are awfully slow, frustrating, and even feels futile. Violence, on the other hand, although rarely does it dismantle the systems that enable greed, sure damn makes a loud, bloody statement. That's why people like Mangione resonate so deeply—because he didn't ask for permission, he forced the world to notice.
Now, one would question that if we justify Mangione's actions, where do we draw the line? Who gets to decide which injustices are worth killing for?
Literally, there are discussions or analyses suggesting that federal prosecutors could seek the death penalty for the 26-year-old alleged criminal. Should things ever come to that point, people who support the man are going to be even more outraged, considering that the school shooters who killed children didn't get the same punishment. Kids get slaughtered, and the system barely flinches, but when someone threatens the elite? That’s when they bring out the guillotine. That’s exactly the kind of hypocrisy that exposes how skewed the system is. The so-called “line” society draws isn’t based on morality or fairness—it’s based on power and wealth. When Mangione, if he truly did it, targeted someone who represents corporate greed and exploitation, suddenly the line shifts because it threatens those in control. But when children are murdered, and the perpetrators come from less controversial or powerless groups, the outrage is dulled, the punishment less severe, because there’s no direct threat to the elite.
It’s not about justice; it’s about preserving a system where the rich are untouchable, and any act against them is treated like treason, while actual mass killings of innocent lives are politicised and forgotten. If Mangione’s actions spark this level of outrage, it’s because they hit the privileged where it hurts—their illusion of invincibility. They only care when someone disrupts their comfort. When school shooters don’t threaten their wealth but Mangione’s act does, it’s clear: they draw the line not on morality, but on their wallets. The ones who hold the reins don't like losing control, so they'll smear anyone who dares challenge their authority. In their narrative, Luigi becomes the villain because he threatens their kingdom of greed and suffering.
But a question, along with many others, are still unanswered. Did he really spark revolution? Or did he only hand those in power an excuse to tighten control..
Also, I wonder how the public would react if Mangione is proven innocent. At present, he is heralded as a hero, but what if he wasn't the one that killed the CEO? What is left to glorify then? His charm? His good looks? Would his mere image still captivate the hearts of those who once exalted him? My own regard for him, too, is tied to this notion of heroism, to this symbol of justice and retribution he has become. And if he isn't the hero the people believed him to be, my opinion on him would most likely shift. The idealised image people had created for him would be broken, and perhaps some of us would become disillusioned. However, he might still be seen as someone who did something heroic, regardless of the legal outcome. Maybe he would still be seen as a symbol, but perhaps of a more nuanced heroism—a man who might have been falsely accused but still embodied certain ideals. Perhaps this could lead to even more public admiration from those who see him as a victim of a flawed justice system. Besides, those who admire him, myself included, want him freed, so for him to escape the gallows would undoubtedly create a celebration. I’ll raise a glass, for sure, not just because he’s free, but because it’ll piss off every corrupt bastard who thought they had him.
“Why don't you message Jacob again?” my sister asked.
“I no longer have his socials.”
“His number, then?”
“I don't have it,” I said flatly.
She gave a wry laugh, the kind that’s tainted with both amusement and disdain. “Shame. I really thought you two were endgame back then.”
For a time, I thought so, too. But the man wounded me, again and again, until my heart bore scars that no affection could mend. With time, I learned to forgive, but forgetting what he did to me is an impossibility only achieved through amnesia. He had me wrapped around his fingers for two years, and too attached I was to him that even when things between us were over, I still couldn't bear the thought of not having him in my life anymore, so I kept him as a friend. And good friends we stayed for a couple of years. The last time we talked was before the pandemic, so around a year before Chace.
Anyway, on a completely different note but still an update about my pathetic life, I've been watching Supernatural and my preferred brother is Sam. Sure, Dean is undeniably good-looking, bold, droll, and entertaining to watch, but man does he vex me sometimes. And though there is nothing wrong with being a flirt and having meaningless affairs with people you barely know, next to the quieter brother who has more depth and sensibility, Dean's promiscuity is just less appealing. Sam, with his lonely, introspective, and quiet awkward charm—embodies all of the characteristics I am attracted to in a man. Deep intelligence and a tenderness that betrays his tough and towering frame .. He is simply gorgeous! I want a Sam.. 😔
It's already 2025 and I still carry a broken heart from 2024. I had so many things I wanted to write last year and never got to do them. It's not a happy new year. It never is.