January 06, 2025

Dear Diary, why can't music be louder? 

I want it to make me unable to listen the exterior, yeah it's muffles it but that not enough. I want it to silence everything, the cars, the neighbors, the fighting and screaming.

I don't know what exactly happened to my mom today, she broke again, I think she is tired of being a mother, I can understand I'm kind of a shitty daughter but when I try to be better she screams at me saying "YOU ONLY DO STUFF WHEN I TELL YOU TO" I mean, what do you want me to do???? you get angry when I do stuff and when I don't do stuff FUCKING DECIDE.

My mom says we are "abusing" her because idk she never gets to that part, she says the same things over and over again.

She and my brother fought today, my brother at least talks when my mom screams, not like me, I can't talk while I'm crying. He is kind of a shitty son too, honestly we all are not pretty good, that's what being a family is like, we all are the same.

I remember one time me and my mom fought, I don't remember what we where fighting about, probably the same stuff as always, she said "Just tell me that you hate me like your brother did!!" I wanted to scream but I covered my mouth because idk not really know why, I don't hate my mother, I love her, I think I've never hated her but she thinks I do. I love my mom.