November 15, 2024 Bad Decisions

Dear Diary,I really did work hard, at least I thought I did. Does working hard mean sitting up late at night and going into depression? I really wanted my alevel year to be a better year, a new me, a better more confident and a properly managed lifestyle. Guess it really didn't turn out to be that way. 1st year was annoying and had me trudging along. I was annoyed at most of the teachers and kept saying yes sir to Sir Yasir ( the physics teacher) during online classes. My grades were bad, AS grades were bad but I should have known that worse was to come. In came 2nd year, the final year of Alevels. I sat at home and got fat and lazy and never worked a day. I enjoyed my life, to say the least i guess. I was lonely and reserved and hated my life but i didn't do anything about it. When the final year Alevel results were announced I was on the phone 1 hour before the result was out just staring at the numbers count down till the time came. I was nervous, sweaty palms and eager head. waiting for the result. I thought I would get a A* and 2 As. Thought the worst I could get would be a B probably. turned out, I was so wrong. I got the worst grade that I could ever imagin. I was pretty cool about it back then. Getting a B,C and D. My mother was the first person I showed the result to hesitantly. She couldn't see it and i would not read it out for her till she put on her glasses and looked at it herself. She could not believe her eyes. All that i saw in those eyes was Shania, I thought u could do better. She said nothing besides go show your result to your dad. With trembling hands I unlocked the phone and dialing my fathers number. He picked up and i told him the result with uncertainty. I could not believe that it was my result. I had worked harder the 2nd year, how could i get a worse result. Nothing was making sense. I hated it. They had me dress up and go to church when i didn't feel like going. I didn't understand why God, all so loving and kind could be this harsh. I stopped believeing, i didn't put any money into the church collection when it came aorund. I was unhappy and sick. I was moody and grumpy. From that time on I vowed that i would never be happy again. some people might think oh so much drama all for a result well wait and see the worst is yet to come.