Today has been an incredibly challenging day for me. I can't help but feel overwhelmed and upset about the ongoing situation with my apartment mate(because we share the apartment and not the bedrooms), whom I'll refer to as H. The worst part is that my parents seem to think I'm in the wrong, which only adds to my sadness.
The catalyst for our fight was the unsightly ironing table that had been bothering me for quite some time. Its appearance was appalling, and the fabric covering it was incredibly dirty. Unable to bear the sight any longer, I decided to take matters into my own hands.
I folded the hideous ironing table and discreetly hid it behind the fridge, hoping to improve the visual appeal of the dormitory. Little did I know that this simple act would ignite a series of conflicts with my dorm mate. We had experienced problems in the past, which had already strained our relationship. Consequently, I didn't feel inclined to respond to her greetings or engage in small talk. I had grown tired of her dismissive treatment, especially since I had always greeted her with kindness and courtesy. It seemed like a small gesture to expect in return, a simple "hi" or "good morning." Yet, it became a source of frustration for me.
When my dorm mate returned from university and noticed the folded ironing table, she asked me if I had been the one responsible for it. Frustrated and unwilling to engage, I chose not to answer her. Unfortunately, she responded by insulting me, calling me "stupid." In that moment, I couldn't hold back my anger and retorted that she was the one displaying stupidity. This exchange only heightened tensions between us, and she reacted with surprise, exclaiming, "What is this craziness?" Fueled by my anger, I told her that we had learned such craziness from her.
My parents say i should be thankful that H hasn't been involved in any major vices like smoking or drug use, but her behavior towards me is far from acceptable. She treats me as if I'm beneath her. It's disheartening to recount the instances when she scolded me for spending a few extra moments washing my face in the bathroom. I mean, we have two toilets, and I was only washing my face, not occupying the space unnecessarily or when she exploded when I had my friend on speaker mode.
I have trouble hearing clearly, especially in my left ear, which has been bothering me since my last year of high school. So, naturally, I would ask my friend to repeat herself multiple times when not on speaker. H was sleeping, (I did not know that), and she screamed at me to talk to my friend in my room or on the balcony. I tried to reason with her, but her attitude was so negative that I eventually ended the call. I was fed up with her behavior, and my friend even said that she would should have have beaten her up if she was me but that was never an option for me.
The whole situation left me feeling incredibly upset and overwhelmed. I reached out to my mom for guidance, desperately seeking advice on how to handle the conflict. She suggested that I speak to the dorm manager, believing that she could provide assistance in resolving the issue. With a heavy heart and a mind filled with turmoil, I made my way to the manager's office, hoping for some semblance of resolution.
What's more frustrating is that my parents don't seem to understand the gravity of the situation. They believe I shouldn't have insulted H, because in that way I ruined my reputation in front of the dorm manager. Completely disregarding the fact that she insulted me first. It's disheartening to see their disappointment in me, as if I'm the one at fault. I can't bring myself to care about the opinion of the dorm manager or how I may have appeared in front of her. Frankly, she has no impact on my life, positive or negative.
All of this has left me feeling emotionally drained and depressed. I've cried so much that I developed a pounding migraine, which I had to alleviate with medication. While my headache has subsided, my gloomy thoughts persist. I have no desire to interact with anyone in the dorm or even be around them. Right now, I just need some space and time to heal.
What really broke me, Diary, was that the dorm manager told me that I have such a black heart. It felt like an additional blow to my already wounded spirit. On top of that, H stole my towel last year, further emphasizing the lack of respect and consideration she has for me.
The weight of these experiences has deeply affected me. It's becoming increasingly difficult to find solace or peace of mind. I feel like someone is prickling my heart with a needle. I crave peace and understanding, but it seems elusive in this dormitory.
Do you think I am wrong for insulting her ?
With a heavy heart,