#19 May 20, 2024

 

Dear Diary,


10:26am: I feel extremely anxious. I am doubting myself and I don't know what to do. I have to study a lot, write a paper and it's 10:30am already, like I have to memorize a lot of stuff. I don't know what to do, I am feeling really bad. I am experiencing intense anxiety and I don't know what to do. Will I be able to learn all these powerpoints till this evening along with writing a paper. I freaking hate myself for starting so late. I mean I don't hate myself though, I just don't like it when I procrastinate. 


1:48pm: I feel so disturbed. I feel extremely disturbed by everything that is going on. I feel extremely disturbed. 


2:01pm: I feel freaking at peace. What an amazing feeling when I allow myself to feel my feelings. 


2:34pm: I am capable. I am worthy. 


3:50pm: I am feeling accomplished. I am feeling great. I am proud of myself. I did great. I could study and focus well. I am so so proud of myself. 

4:10pm: I freaking hate all my teachers. 


5:14pm: Hurrahh! I completed studying a chapter! I took 2 hours for it. I am so proud of myself!


5:38pm: I freaking feel irritated. Whenever I listen to music, I feel irritated. I want to stop listening to music! It makes me feel overwhelmed and anxious.

6:05pm: I feel freaking tired and overwhelmed. I just allowed myself to feel hatred in my body. 


7:49pm: Yes, hurrah! I completed writing some of my paper and I feel so accomplished. 


8:01pm: Hell no, I feel so demotivated and tired right now. I need to study, yess! I can do it!


9:19pm: Ik voel me echt freaking moe. Ik weet niet zo goed wat er mis met mij is. Ik heb geen motivatie om te leren. 

10:54pm: Yayy! I feel so proud of myself! I did it! I studied a chapter! I am so happy! I feel accomplished!I am so proud of you, baby girl! I am so so proud of you! (I said to myself)


11:27pm: I am feeling energised. I just printed out an achievement list and I am going to post it on discord. I am so so happy today. Still gotta study a lot though.

11:33pm: Pff, I need motivation but I am failing. 


2:09am: I feel accomplished but tired as well.

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