Hey rick, I'm finding myself day by day.
1. When I feel something is not good. When feel uncomfortable in a place. When I don't want to be in a place, but have to be in there for sometime and can't leave suddenly and if I'm anxious. I would say: (let's go home) many times. If I'm with friends in that situation, I said that many times.
2. I would be at peak. Where anger and sadness mixed up. There will be tears which would be in eyes. Ready to flow. And I hate crying and begging for PPL to care abt me. This happens when PPL forget abt me and gone without me without calling me. It's really hard for me to be alone when so many ppl are roaming in front of me. I can't be in a crowd alone.
3. I'm a funny, cheerful, entertaining person for the PPL I know at the same time I'm a calm, quiet, peace' loving person. I'm not a sunshine but I'm a sad wind, dark weather and rain. While I'm traveling I won't speak. I'll be so silent watching outside.
4. There's something that people always get attracted to. But I don't have anything. I'm a boring person. Do someone love me for who I am? Even if boring? Even if I'm a mere human being with nothing?
5. My name represents entertainment, pleasant, cheerful. I doubt that becoz of my name's meaning. Am I just an entertainment in everyone's life? Can I be something more important than that? I don't be just an entertainment in everyone's life.
6. I'm always a Steve. I mean a third wheel most of the time. Maybe that's what my life is?? My entire life? I became a main character but that didn't last long. I don't being with someone won't make me a main character. I know everyone's a main character in their life. But still I'm tired of being a third wheel. Hearing everyone's love stuff. And nodding.
7. I don't to be a listener always. No one listens to me genuinely. No one listens to me as I listen to them. I know no one's interested in hearing other ppl's life. But being a supporter, just for 10 mins. Is it too much to ask for? I want to vent out but I'll swallow up coz even if I start to say. PPL forget abt what I'm saying and they'll start to speak their story.
8. I'm tired of explaining everything when I got in a relationship. After we broke up. It's all in past. Now I'm realising I was the whole sent paragraphs.. explaining everythings in order get a stable state. I want someone to understand me. Who loves my silence. Who understands me right Away rather than who's tired of reading my explanation paragraphs.
9. I'm tired of being a one sided lover. Or the only one who falls. I'm unlucky in relationships and I'm unlucky being a one sided lover. If I'm a one side lover in relationship, ppl will leave me. And I'm the one who wants to hold back. If I'm a one side lover, still PPL have their own person. If I start getting interested in someone, they'll see some other PPL. Then I'll be like: ok he's not meant for me. I convince myself like this in order not to get hurt. Or if I'm interested in someone, as I said they already have a love life. What abt the ppl who fall alone?
......