Dear Diary,
I owe you some good stuff too =D.
At canary, in every friday huddle, there are shoutouts to people from another person in the team. And everytime i see that, i wish someone calls my name too, damm, i am also working. But never got one, even when i fixed things in emergency for wyndham. No shoutouts.
But then there are somedays =D (like yesterday). Andy gave a shoutout to me, he said how i have perfect balance of speed and quality and i always come up with quick solutions to problems. He said it's really exciting to work along Daga..... WOHOOOOOOOOOO 🎉, blake and aman second that. Double wohoooooo. 😀🎉🎉
And it meant so much, because it was Andy, he is the most open honest direct person and he said he meant every word. It felt no less than an award to me.
Last week i worked with focus and i think after the camp canary, i have kind of started having more responsibility and also having a change in my mindset. That it's all important and our actions actually do matter. My communications are improving a little too.
Then i also worked with Sahaj in the night yesterday, i think appreciation just boosts your confidence so much, i worked with him on solving a problem involving ordinary differential equations. And my mindset now is just about getting things done, believing that it can be done and then do it rather than asking if i can do it or if i should do it and stuff...
The mental attitude is a very key thing and lot of times, that is all you need.
I really think camp canary has a role in it. Meeting everyone there was really good.
Ok now more stuff.
I am listening to Ram Das more these days, i think he has thought about the stuff very deep, he is different from other spiritual gurus i think, because he did not start his journey for spirituality, he arrived there by thinking and understanding by untying all the nested threads. Many of his sayings give me little doses of realization. About who i am, what i have been mis understanding.
It instills my faith in life again. Me landing upon ram das, listening to his sayings, me being away from her, it's all related and the universe is constantly in motion. I just have to keep doing what i can do and i feel like doing.
Everyday, there are these little waves which keep coming every now and then during the day, i am doing something something and suddenly a wave comes in my heart with a thought, she isnt here and she isnt going to be with me, i am going to live without her, my heart feels heavy for a tiny moment and the wave passes, and i get busy in my stuff again.
But i tell myself that, i should be happy if she is happy too, that's what i wish for.
Anyway, i think i am going on a date tmrw with someone my mom is setting me up with. My mom's friend's daughter. Honestly, last week i was a little worried, what if she rejects me this time, am i ready for that ? =D But then i was listening to ram das and i realized that maybe we dont have to think about being liked or disliked and tagging each other, We can sometimes just see another human being as God itself same like ourselves. Then there is no tagging, there is no like or dislike, there is no rejections.
Like celine says that "If there's any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something".
Ok That's it.
See ya
Love ❤️
--panda--