Dear Diary,
I like writing to you about a lot of things now, i wanted to write to you last night also, but i just slept early, i had to wake up early for badminton today(Which i could not 😀).
First i'll write about yeterday and then about the dream i had today.
Yesterday was kind of strange. Sad/satisfied at the same time.
Something has happened to me, since new year, she is on my mind. I missed her yesterday, looked at all her photos and i din't fee sad, i just feel warmth thinking of her smile, the sound of her laughs, the cute face she makes when she is trying to be puppy sad 😀.
Ofcourse i wish we didn't have these barriers b/w us, i wish I could just tell her how i feel and we could just be together and she could laugh even more. But that's a desire and this desire is the source of my sadness. But i happy tha t i have the beautiful memories with me.
And since the time i have started telling myself that, we are not together because i am not good enough for her, she deserves better, this acceptance just keeps me afloat and there is no conflict within me now and without this conflict, i don't feel frustrated or angry. Which is good.
I light a cigarette yesterday, jut to imagine how cute she looks holding that in her mouth. I did not feel the guilt of cigarette, i was joyous. Her memories are sweetest.
Although i felt that i am probably starting to attach myself with her again too much and i should be cautious, it's not the healthiest thing.
About today's dream
Well, it's not too special, it's just a story.
We were all in some sort of fair/event, there were a group of artist who were going to perform the next act, we were sitting on edge of a cemented round structure, she did not sit beside me and sat a little far and looked at me from there with her cute puppy face, she is little mad at me (in a cute way though). We were watching watching then at the end of the night, we are all sleeping on the same road beside that seating area, it's open and little cold and there are regular electricity polls and there is a yellow light bulb.
Anyway, sometime in the night one of the wire from the pole fell down and it fell on me, luckily it did not have current in that, but the other wires had current and somehow it becomes a news of accident. Although no one had injuries.
We are all shocked, next day her mom comes to town, it wasn't awkward for me to meet her...
Ahh i dont know where this story is going =D.
Anyway, i wont bore you further with this.
I got a call from Sandeep, he took a house in malaysia, he is calling me there. I am excited. I'll go there. Soonnnnn.
Bye
--panda--
❤️