November 30, 2023


Dear ghost,

How I falter before the glass?! Oh! The way I quiver before my weakness. I no longer know what I can offer for I have been broken and beaten. Throughout the battle, I have just stood by as my strength burned. Only after I lost the battle, I vehemently searched for what was left of me. You look me in my eyes, and you always say it with such calm voice. I know not your intentions. But I surely know that you are better than me.

 There is small seed that I have planted and you watered, The seed is greener from all that I have ever grown. It smells like all the envy that are beyond my tendency. I believe it is a crime to feel this way, for you seem too kind. However, just once in a while, when you do not utter words between those lips, your papalble lips. I can feel that wrath, that subtle wrath in you. Maybe it is all in my head. Maybe it is just me. Certainly, it is I who thinks so but believe me, I am utterly inept. And I am quietly burning in the flames of despair. 

As it turns out, I am what I truly believed I was, an incomplete human. A washed out person, not yet capable of fully understanding. A fattened human incapable of knowing what they really look like. I am gradually becoming a mistake and that is what I insanely fear. Stars, please, have pity on a excuse of a human like me. Show me what I was made of.

Yours even as I fear to be.