Dear Diary,
Im a pre-med student and the guy im moving on from is a pharmacist. Right now with all the return demonstrations I have to do with IVFs and stuff just adds up to me thinking about him everyday.
Right now I opened the only social that I didn't deactivated, discord. I haven't blocked him there yet and I don't want to, I don't really wanna do that cuz I know that there's a possibility my feeling would go away and we could be friends. One of the things we told each other was we're better off as friends.
I opened it with the intention of video calling him so I could "practice" for my return demo tomorrow. Im still very nervous with handling syringes. But maybe im just looking for an excuse to talk to him again and maybe im hoping that the spark he felt before would come back and that maybe he actually missed me and it would be an unforgettable night to spend together.
Maybe.
It's a nice thought but how am I so sure that that's gonna happen?
How am I so sure that he's not spending time with someone else's right now?
How am I so sure that during our call another girl wouldnt chat him and that he wouldn't leave me?
But seriously tho...I do need help practicing with this😭
The thought of asking him for help excites me, but how long will it last until id be sad and overthink again?
Will how long be even long?