August 13, 2023 #437

 

Dear Diary, I just texted my “friend” I want to reconnect with. She was my university friend and we went to Disney land and traveled together. But since the pandemic hits and we had to do online course, I haven’t net her. We graduated. But she couldn’t come to the ceremony. I dont know the truth but she said its covid. 


I wasn’t mentally available during the last two years of my university life = pandemic era. 


Today I scrolled through her chat and saw that she gave me phone calls that I missed. She worried about me and that’s why she gave me calls in the winter of our junior year. 


I am like… ohh 😢


I decided to sent her text today. Awkwardly

Because last time when I text her was April 2022. 

I texted her because I found a person who had a same exact name with her and missed her. 

We had a chat about it. Just some lines.


Today I realized that she didn’t even open my last text to her. 


I wonder why. 


Maybe she wasn’t mentally well like I was during the pandemic. 

Maybe she doesn’t really want to talk to me anymore. 


I don’t know. And that’s okay. How could I know?


Anyways I already sent awkward hey it’s been a while how are you doing message to her. 


I told myself I can’t expect getting her reply. 


But I am glad about the fact that I made an action by myself. 


4h later update: I feel like it’s the end… 😢 

Well I really wish I could get new friends who are close enough to go to travel with or at least I can talk to face to face sometimes…


Probably she’ve already blocked me during  our last chat. Middle of our conversation…

That makes sense. 


But on the internet I found out there’s many people who lost their friends during or after pandemic just like me. And they are living. That made me feel calm. 


Next day update: She just sent me a reply. 

I have somehow a very mixed feeling. 

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