July 31, 2023


Dear anyone, 

Yesterday my husband called our youngest son to get him to look for the laptops. I didn't say anything. He immediately found them and I could hear my husband saying through the speaker of the phone, "i would never put them in my office in the bag!" Huh? So weird. That's usually where they are. That comment made me feel like he was putting on a performance. 

Today, I'm so overwhelmed.

The consult with the lawyer was extremely discouraging. The lawyer was great but the amount of fees due to how complex the case is are unaffordable. I don't even want to move forward. I have to because he does (or i think he still does because we have no contact). I have an appointment with a free attorney provided by the shelter tomorrow. 

I went to the district attorney's office to see if the order can be modified or dropped. They were no help. They said the paperwork isn't assigned to any attorney yet. Then i went to records to request a copy of the emergency protection order. They didn't have one, only the conditions of the bond and they said they would mail it. Geez! 

Called my brother in law and he explained everything to me. It made me even more upset because he said there's nothing that can be done about the order. He also said that even if i drop the charges, the district attorney will pick them up because of the state we live in. He was speaking from experience because he had an altercation with the mother of his child about 10 years ago but he had a gun. He also said that they make you sign the conditions of the bond to get out. And the conditions of his bond were no contact and 1000 feet. 

I was able to deposit my tutoring money only to see $75 taken from it to buy items from a Men's Testosterone Clinic. So he spent $75 of our already low bank account on more viagra. I can't make this stuff up! 

And yet i still long for the person i married and not whomever is present right now. I don't know this guy at all.