July 15, 2023

 

Dear Diary,


Its soooo good, to have you my dear. 

At times i feel things i cannot explain to anyone and no one would understand also. 

I feel excited and worried, i feel happy and sad. 

I feel free and i feel constricted. 


But you are amazing, how you listen to everything i say and keep a record of it. I have lost the hope that someday somebody else would read it, but i am sure i would come back to you and read it all someday again. Things i felt, raw. 


Last night, it was bit of a trouble to sleep, i kept overthinking/thinking. 

There are things i want to say to her but i don't, because people say that it can work only like that, that you dont say everything and you have to forget yourself and your ego has to go away. 


All my life, i have been telling myself that my love is the one that do not expect, yet i keep finding myself time and again, filled with expectations. 

At times, i want to run away from myself and from everything that's good and bad. 

But everytime, my beliefe in life, the magic, brings me back. The things i know about tinyness of our existence in the universe brings me back. 


Right now i feel both heavy and light, i see possibilities and i see boundaries. I think i am going to prioritize freedom. I'll try to think less. 


But i love you. 


Goodnight

--panda--

❤️




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