April 28, 2023

7
Comments

Dear Diary,


I don't know why it's been so much recently, but I just can't get her off my mind all the time. I'm just thinking about her I'm checking social media to see if she posted anything, and I'm hoping she texts me, but I'm also hoping that she doesn't, and I'm also thinking what I would say if she did like if I wanted to let her know that I've been waiting for a text, or if I should just play it as if I don't want her to talk to me bc she left again and it hurt, my mind is just so crumbled right now, and I don't know how to handle it or make it better.


Other than just how serious our relationship was, I think one of the main factors of why its so hard for me to move on is because I don't have anybody else, I don't really have any other friends, family, or even I guess anyone to talk to or spend time with or hang out  with like she does. It was just me and her, and now that she's gone, I have nobody to fill the void in my heart. 


Coming up on 5 months since our break up and it still feels just as bad as the day it happened. I know it probably sounds dumb but if I just ended my life I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. I think I'm gonna go back to cutting again this weekend, it helped a lot in the past so I figure it might be helpful now. I really wanted to this week but I wear a white uniform at work and didn't wanna bleed through it on the job. I think I might buy some actual bandaging and stuff so i can cut deeper and also not have to worry abt bleeding all over the place at work. 

A
app✓
Apr 28, 2023 · 44 views

Comments (7)

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I
indiMay 4, 2023

just want to pop in and say that if someone hasn't told you lately, you are so capable of being loved even though times are tough right now! i think that you may not have found your person that will love you the way you want to be loved but it doesn't mean you never will! i really hope things get better for you and i know that good things are right around the corner for you! sending you love!!! <3

A
appMay 2, 2023

I don't know, I guess since I can remember, my life has been pretty crazy and a lot different than how other people grew up. I matured significantly quicker than my age group, and I guess, because of that, I've just been able to handle things a lot easier and in a more relaxed way. Traumatic things or serious situations, don't really phase me, and as far as cutting goes, I've just done it for so long that it used to be a routine. Even if I wasn't sad, I would still do it anyways just because it was what I was accustomed to.

A
appMay 2, 2023

Is what scary?

A
appMay 2, 2023

Im glad they help in some way or another.

A
appMay 2, 2023

Yes, in several ways. Cutting is an addiction, I always want to and its a mind battle trying to resist it. Cutting also physically hurts so it makes you focus on the physical pain rather than the emotional pain. Its both a relief and a distraction.

A
appApr 28, 2023

<3

L
Lydia Rose Apr 28, 2023

Cutting is NEVER helpful, please don't hurt yourself you don't deserve it.

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"To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength."

— Criss Jami