I don't know why it's been so much recently, but I just can't get her off my mind all the time. I'm just thinking about her I'm checking social media to see if she posted anything, and I'm hoping she texts me, but I'm also hoping that she doesn't, and I'm also thinking what I would say if she did like if I wanted to let her know that I've been waiting for a text, or if I should just play it as if I don't want her to talk to me bc she left again and it hurt, my mind is just so crumbled right now, and I don't know how to handle it or make it better.
Other than just how serious our relationship was, I think one of the main factors of why its so hard for me to move on is because I don't have anybody else, I don't really have any other friends, family, or even I guess anyone to talk to or spend time with or hang out with like she does. It was just me and her, and now that she's gone, I have nobody to fill the void in my heart.
Coming up on 5 months since our break up and it still feels just as bad as the day it happened. I know it probably sounds dumb but if I just ended my life I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. I think I'm gonna go back to cutting again this weekend, it helped a lot in the past so I figure it might be helpful now. I really wanted to this week but I wear a white uniform at work and didn't wanna bleed through it on the job. I think I might buy some actual bandaging and stuff so i can cut deeper and also not have to worry abt bleeding all over the place at work.