Dear Stranger,
I really don't think I'm strong enough. It's getting bad again, being mean to myself constantly for no reason, smoking too much, and god the emptiness... I can't fucking take it. I wish someone would tell me exactly what I'm supposed to do here, there's a path I can't see, a road I need to take, but no directions anywhere. I'm lost, scared, sad, small.
I'm not capable of much, not me. I thought I would do it all alone, but I never could. Still, part of me wants to run. Run far, far away, start all over, destroy myself and rebuild bit by bit. I wish someone would tell me it's all their fault, that I'm enough, that I'm doing the best I can, that I deserve this life, that I was made for it. But there's no point, it's not even true.
I'm just so, so, so tired my dear stranger. And I'm so very sorry.
Love, C