February 26, 2023, Gangtok

 

Dear Diary,


I have come alone here, Although i have company, but i feel i am alone. 

Love is bitch sometimes. It feels like that. 


I wanted to say to her, that After this point, i am going to walk and never look back again, we are done. And its not my fault. Not my fault at all. The only fault is that i loved her so much that i always wanted to be in the suffering end for her happiness, but she isn't happy either anyway. But that's not my fault either. It's her. It's her behaviour and.... I dont know, i think she just isn't capable of... my love for her. 

Yet, this time, me, a little mature, have come to understanding this, that it is not my fault, and all i have to do is, set 00000 expectations from her and know that i have come alone here.  I have. 


Let her think whatever she thinks, about me, it is now of not much relevance to me. I cannot keep feeling that it's all my mistake somehow. It's not. 


I love her though and i wish best for her, but this love is to be just sit in me but never to be given to her. This is how it is. This is how it is.... 



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