Dear Diary,
Hey, my friend. I'm back I know, I always make new year's resolutions like everyone and it fails on 1 January because finishing my undergraduate wears me out that's why I couldn't stick to my plans. Anyway, I want to cut to the chase. For 7 months I guess but sometimes our relationship is on and off because if I feel exhausted, I give up texting him. Anyway, he's my pen pal friend who is German and we talk about our lives most of the time tbh, he found me through interpals and we kept our conversation until he made a mistake. These days, as I said before, I'm not lifting my finger to chill our stuff because I studied hard for my final exams. Anyway, I said that after my final exams are over, I’ll take action for finding a job like revising my resume or taking the IELTS exam. I brought my dreams up with him in short but he told me you have dreams? Interesting. Of course, we can't deny that it's not nice. He's humiliating, insulting me. And then I said if you think like that you have some issues and you always be down blah blah or beating cancer doesn't make me desperate to pursue my goals. I got pissed off I mean I m trying my best for my life even though it was a rough time. But he just making fun of me. He told me you're so dramatic. But if we look at this with my perspective, you’ll have empathy but people are not sensitive to have empathy or compassion or respect my life. That's why I said to him that if you don't want to be friends why don't you cut me off from your life? As a matter of fact that I just wanted to open my heart and keep him company that's all. But he fucked up. Anyway, people are so cruel that you're pushing life even if you can't make it. I'm sorry but I cried. I can't help crying if they break my heart. So, tomorrow, I’ll keep reading my book that I gave up on it because his life I mean the main character reduces my motivation and my energy because he's so pathetic and vulnerable. When I read this book, I always felt like drowning or it triggered my depression severity. Book name is The Book of Disquiet I wish myself enjoying it. And tomorrow, I will tell my relationship thing. There's nothing to get excited about because I'm single for 2 years. Of course I had a crush on somebody but he didn't deserve I guess he's aware of liking him but he pretends. I should have talked with him like you but I don't have a gut to say. So good night wish the best and a healthy life xoxo 📚