Dear Diary, I have just been feeling kind of empty lately. It's not like I'm extremely sad 2 days of the week like it sometimes used to be, but life just kind of goes on around me without any point to it. I'm trying to enjoy myself the best I can but without any hope I just dont know what to even strive for. The only other goal I have besides finding a girlfriend would be to write a good novel, so maybe I will finally seriously try doing that. So yeah right bow there isnt anyone who gives me hope. Its pretty clear that Spike isnt interested in me in the slightest. I'm going to the Japanese course and to a tuzorium about decolonization in fiction with her, but she barely talks to me. She is just living her own life and Im not actually a part of that. Knight is in the tutorium too, but you know how it is with her.
The only things that have really lifted me up were one the new chapters of Hunter x Hunzer, which are incredivle and give me something to look forward to each week. And a game called NEET Girl Date Night. Its this short visual novel I found that is about you meeting this cute girl who is living at home just watching anime and modding PSPs. It's so incredibly cute. I love that she is actually interested in you and is saying she is not good at dating too and needs to practice. She just wants to hang out at her room and is so super relatable even though there are a lot of memy internet references in the game too. The dev is a lesbian, but she was so kind to make the MCs gender ambiguos so anyone can enjoy it. She is making a longer version for steam too which I am so looking forward to.
When I play it it feels like I am actually a part of life ,me and my interests are totally appreciated and romance isnt just some fictional term anymore. Like I have been saying its super weird how little actual evidence there is of romance and love actually existing. I can't remember when the last time was I saw someone kissing in public. It is very rare even on campus. People often say they are couples of course but even then they barely show any actual affection towards each other. People walking hand in hand is super rare too. I have never heard a real life girl talk about wanting a relationship, let alone being interested in a specific guy. I have herd from other guys that they find some girl hot, but most of that was when I was a teenager, so its been quite a while. My parents never showed each other any affection eather. So the only real evidence I have is the internet, where people post about love and sex stuff. But the internet isnt tangible, how do I know this all isnt just some elaborate hoax everybody is playing on me. It's like they know I want a GF and are doing the bare minimum to make me believe its possible. Why is the world like this, when everything tells me that it shouldnt be? Is it just here like this or is it the whole world. Maybe I should travel somewhere just to see if people actually like each other elsewhere. But even if that was the case it would be incredibly tragic, I have spent all my life here in the romance black hole while everybody else was able to live normally.
Wish you all the best, bye