November 13, 2022

It’s currently 127am and I’m still wide awake. This insomnia kills me. I haven’t smoked in a while just cuz the last time it gave me severe anxiety thinking about how much I think I’m fucking up. I feel like I’m spiraling a bit and I’m on the outside watching. Some days I think the medication is working and other days I don’t think it is. Not gonna lie though, the past few weeks I haven’t been consistent taking them due to getting sick and not wanting to mix my meds. I’m over this life, I’m absolutely exhausted. Working two jobs is so draining and I feel like I’m barely keeping my head above water. This life is hard. I can’t seem to get ahead no matter how much I try. At least my depression isn’t as bad as it was this time last year so I’m thankful for that. As much as I wanna smoke my pen  I can’t, I don’t like the anxiety. That’s the first time I’ve made myself anxious smoking in a long time. I just wanna sleep for a few days and do absolutely nothing but hang with the kid. I miss myself. I miss me. Here’s to better days, chels.