Dear Diary, such a mood swing…
I was watching morning tv show. It was about how to survive elderly life as a single woman. They were all healthy enough to live without seeing doctors and they were able to work to earn money.
Last night I was watching YouTube videos. A psychiatrist’s channel that answers his followers questions… the comment section made me feel both negative and positive. Mainly negative. Their life are incredibly tough. It’s very easy to imagine my future goes that way. But also I felt my condition is not that serious. I just need to see my psychiatrist again and start working full time.
I missed being a child. My teenage era was not meaningful. I was confused but I didn’t really take care about it. Now I am still like a little child. Thinking about future make me feel I want not to be born.
When I watched the Disney movie “Soul” I thought 22 were me. And I didn’t actually want it to be born just because these small things that makes it happy. That was how I felt after watching that movie. And was sad.
My goal is to get my brain flexible. I have big tendency to go far negative at anything. My brain is always searching for more and more negative scenarios. I want it to come up with positive scenarios too.