Dear Diary, I assume you are interested in how is the weather here. It’s sunny day :)
I couldn’t let myself fall asleep until like 3 am last night :( and finally left bed around 11 in the morning. I was feeling the sadness I dragged from last night. Only I needed to do to avoid this was have a good quality of sleep. I really do know that tip. But sometimes I have the night I just can’t let myself turn off my phone screen and sleep due to some sort of anxiety and loneliness. That’s weird tho.. I myself sabotage all my social connections. I just can’t show up by myself.
After eating lunch I cleaned my photos in my iPad. Most of them were screen shots or class related things. I had more than 3k pics but I deleted them and make it less than 1k. Deleting those things made me sad. It’s almost winter so this would happen easily… but I felt sad and felt vain. Everything I once I thought I need them later… they were just dumped away. How they were actually useless…
Before I left my bed today, I spent 1h listening to music in there. It was “Everybody’s gotta live” by Love
It has lyrics saying “ Everybody's gotta live, And everybody′s gonna die
Everybody's gotta live, You gotta live, before you know the reason why”
I’ve definitely watched Jojo rabbit once but I don’t remember the song was featured in the film.
I want to listen and vibe to joyful music but the mood gap between those music and mine makes me feel exhausted.
Actually I am currently in a cafe trying to be a little bit cheerful person 💁♂️
Because I have another shift tomorrow and the next day.
One day I realized that it’s completely possible to me to understand why people let themselves “drugs”
I would never but I do want to feel happy and if there’s any easy and quick way to achieve that…
I am glad that these things are not available here.
I have no idea where I have exist
Just sleep healthy and let’s see what happens next
That’s what I need to do now.