Yesterday was a horrid one.
I went to a pride march organized by GirlUp DCAC, the college society I'm a part of. I'd been actively helping out with the preparation for the march since last two weeks. It's been less than a month that I've joined GirlUp, and I'm not as happy as I thought I'd be.
You know, I've always fit in better with guys than girls. Growing up, I moved a lot. It was always guys who accepted me and took me in. I've always felt like when dealing with girls, there's too much ground work required. It's always been so much easier with guys. You don't have to explain everything to them. They're unproblematic, and so much more fun😭. My constant state of movement and overexcitement just doesn't sit well with girls.
Thence, GirlUp DCAC is nothing less of a challenge for me.
I'll just say it.
Most girls are too soft. Too mushy.
Sweet to taste, but I can't have it all the time.
Shit I probably shouldn't have joined GirlUp :)
Anyways, about yesterday's march.
(Yes, I will come to Panda, stay with me)
Yes. It was going fine I suppose. I got my face painted and was soaking in the positive vibes around me. There were performances by queer people (They're so talented I can't---) The posters that I'd helped make were a hit. But the sad part is that in the thrumming crowd, I was all alone. I didn't have anyone to tell how awesome the guy in the blue checked shirt was looking. I didn't have anyone to click face painted pictures with. Was it something I'd done? Absolutely not. Are all people bad? Maybe. Maybe not.
If you think that's sad, check this out.
When the event was wrapping up, I was talking to a few people from other colleges about how great their performances were. When I turned around to go back to my group, I didn't find them. That was when I realized that I'd been deserted. They'd left. Just like that.
I didn't what I was doing standing there. I didn't know why I'd wasted a good Saturday on this. I picked up my bag, turned up my playlist 'For an "ehh" mood' and walked to the metro with an apple. As I walked, once again, for the nth time, I realized that I'd been left behind. I realized that I didn't belong anywhere. I know for a fact that I'm my own person. Maybe that's why people think that there's no space in me for others. Maybe that's why I'm always sticking out like a sore yet pretty and talented and awesome thumb. I KNOW how great I am. But it wouldn't hurt to hear from someone else for a change right?
It was hard not to let the ebbing tears fall on the metro (people were already staring because of the face paint)
That was when I texted Panda. He replied immediately and sent a video showing he was with his friends. I told him how I was crying on the metro. And what did he say?
"I like you a lot"
Dude was dead drunk.
Did it add to the delightful day I was having? It absolutely did.
The next morning, he told me that he was drunk yesterday. Then he read the previous day's texts and realized what he'd done. He instantly apologized and asked me to tell him what happened in detail. I called him in a while and did.
You know I can't make calls at 9 in the morning. Mum would kill me. So what I do is, I take my dog for a pleasant walk. That's what I did.
He listened patiently. When I was done narrating the whole incident, he said,
"Can I say something?"
"Sure you can,"
"I feel like giving you a hug right now,"
It was like the blowing wind got warm for a split second. He comforted and assured me that it was going to be okay. I knew that too, but I was nice hearing it from someone else.
Then all of a sudden my phone started buzzing. He'd sent me a video call request?!?
I'd JUST gotten out of bed and put on a random t-shirt and pretended my hair didn't exist before I left the house. I picked it up nevertheless.
"I was just making sure you weren't crying," he said.
"Huh. I don't cry. Tears are for the weak," I retorted
First off.
Holy hell he's cute. He was laying on his bed when he called. I hadn't video-called anyone in months. I liked how there wasn't any sort of awkwardness. I loved, LOVED talking to him. It was amazing.
I like where this is going :)