Dear Diary, I just finished my first therapy session.
But I am feeling okay today. No anxiety unless I donât think about job application or try to think about my strength. I donât have any idea of my future as usual but I donât have any negative visions either. Nothing~ No particular motivation. Very neutral wtf
I donât remember things well once my mood changes.
To be honest⌠I feel kinda stupid but at the same time, not really.
I ordered spiced tea latte at a cafe to look back my therapy today. I used to love it but I donât really interested in it.
What I learned from todayâs session
Itâs normal to feel lower than usual or higher than usual. Thereâs no âusualâ so we donât have to worry about it too much. But if it causes difficulties to everyday life, we need special care like medications or such.
We donât need to be positive thinker as our original settings.
But if the assumption we make is always makes us feel bad about ourselves, we can try to make other types of assumptions.
When you feel very low, you donât have to try to do what you feel difficult.
We always have rights to protect our inner selves.
I tend to bully my inner self by not accepting it. I am always acting like Cinderellaâs step mom to my inner self. And I feel really sorry about that for myself.
But she said it takes energy and time. So I need to do it when I feel okay. No rush.
It is just like building muscle and flexibility. It is hard and sometimes uncomfortable.
Keeping happy notes is good exercise for me.
Now I donât feel nothing how I listen to zen lessons and Bible lessons I used to listening to⌠the essay I found so helpful is also nothing to me now. Why? I feel like something is wrong with me. But letâs just be neutral.
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