It’s hard to get better and to be proud of not cutting and just reaching out and getting help because I’m my head even in a good mood I tell myself I don’t deserve it and I need to cut cuz I have to be sad, back then I wouldn’t cut, my way of doing self harm was by punching or slapping myself and I would tell myself that I didn’t deserve to be happy so lately the sadness and pain have been getting more severe but I have sort of found a comfort in it, feeling sad feels good? Like I’m not proud of it but it’s like my “comfort mood” I guess you could say.
So rn I’m trying my best not to cut but it’s just hard to be happy about not cutting when I actually don’t feel proud about the fact that I’m not cutting almost everyday and that my scars are fading, I feel sad and disappointed when I look at my arm and see the scars fading because looking at the cuts would bring me comfort.
I just wanna relapse rn and cut myself…